UPDATES BELOW: Not much has changed at TSA since I wrote this six years ago. Time to try my solution? TRANSPORTATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION = TERRORIST WIN. Can you hear me now? Illustration from Second Story Window.
Flying on Thanksgiving? Do not even think about it. Stay home, make some hot chocolate and get out the popcorn. There is going to be a big strike at airport security. The Transportation Security Administration folks are groping the genitals of adults and children and doing other assorted atrocities.
I am for a major civil rights action. But I say: Do not opt out of the scanner and make them grope you, even though it surely will mess things up bigtime.
Too tame for me. And too much chance you will make your fellow humans mad. Make them mad and they will not support your cause. I say, give the people you are going to inconvenience some bang for their buck.
Take off all your clothes when you get to the first scanner. Every stitch. Then bend over and spread your cheeks so everyone in the airport can see your Stuff. Revolve slowly while bent over so there is a 360 degree view for everyone. Be careful, it is easy to fall down while doing this. Go slowly. Give them the Full Monty.
If you have not been tazed and/or arrested at the end of your revolution (yes, this is a pun and I intentionally committed it), calmly stand in line and put your clothes back on. Make everybody wait. Let everyone take pictures.
I think we could pay people to do this, if we have to. I did it in high heels on New York City bars for money, so I know you will not have a problem finding personnel. Have the professionals revolve (revolt? ... revolutionize?) in more than one airport. Ask patriotic porn stars to do it pro bono. Everybody wants to make a contribution.
Problem solved. Probably take about three weeks for The Suits to construct a backdown narrative and get it out there to The Media. Be the best political caucus race and general circus you ever saw. Think of the jokes on late night TV. Problem solved. Maybe I will run for President.
I wrote the initial essay above about the Transportation Safety Authority in November 2010 when folks were considering a huge protest. It is two years later and not much has changed. Maybe they have gotten worse? Maybe it is time to do it my way? More information at the link.
A woman who’s dying of leukemia says that agents with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) at Sea-Tac Airport in Seattle forced her to lift up her shirt in front of a crowd so they could check underneath her bandages.Disabled cancer patient slammed to the ground by TSA guards, lawsuit claims
Hannah Cohen, 18, was on her way home from St Jude’s Hospital when a scanner went off and led to incident that left her ‘physically and emotionally’ injured