Merry Christmas Megan Pasty Pudding!

I have not watched even a clip from The View in a year. I cannot bear to look at Megan McCain or hear her petulant voice. I had to watch this one because I heart Nancy Pelosi.

Truth? I am a Roman Catholic. I want to bury my size 8 shoe, with ferocious joy, so far up Ms. Fatty Tit's dupa my shoelaces would tickle her uvula. There. I said it. doG forgive me. Tell your truth and shame the Devil.

I know - I am an evil body shamer. An rude intolerant slut. Sue me. I am also bipolar. On a bad day and presented with the opportunity, I might succumb to an evil impulse. I must avoid the "occasion of Sin." Ergo I do not watch the show. No point in arousing My Beast. Discretion is the better part of valor.

I wish my family and church had been the kind of Roman Catholics who taught "heart full of love." I think that oversight was a sort of "lace curtain Catholic" jawn. I remember terrifying Nuns and princely Priests. The Priests had these cords with big knots around their waists they beat themselves with at night, we were told meaningfully. All the better to beat you with, my wee Pumpkin. No one actually ever hit me. I was scared all the same. 

There were so many of us kids. Nuns had little clickers we were taught to obey. Click click = genuflect. Click click - stand. I went to Bethany Presbyterian to be a Girl Scout. I was taught Art and Basketmaking by Republican Miss Petty of the Junior League, social justice warrior. I remember sane Republicans. 

I have no shame. God loves me absolutely. I had to learn that from Nancy Horan, AA and the Quakes. God bless us everyone. Merry Christmas. I am working at Peace on Earth. It has to start with me.

Organic Rum and Jasmine Liqueur

I am gifting myself with a bottle of organic Jasmine Liqueur this Christmas. And one of dark Rum. Corporate distillers use additives that ordinary folks would not use, if we made our own spirits.

Making liqueurs and wine at home used to be common in American life as this scene from Arsenic and Old Lace attests. An excellent cookbook which has a chapter on home liqueur making is Spoonbread and Strawberry Wine.

Greenbar Organic Distillery makes their own Vodka, Gin, Tequila, Liqueurs and Bitters without additives, using classic distillery techniques and all organic ingredients.

A bottle of anything Greenbar makes would be a welcome hostess gift. I have nothing to gain from any transaction you make with Greenbar beyond the success of the company. Quality counts.

TRU Jasmine Martini

Ingredients:

1 1/4 oz TRU vodka
1 oz FRUITLAB jasmine liqueur
1/4 oz simple syrup

Glass Types: (Martini/Coupe)

Instructions:

Shake + strain into a martini glass
Garnish with an edible flower

Our Bill. He's a slut and I love him. UPDATE #1.

INTRODUCTION - Skip this if you have read it already.
UPDATE is marked. Soon soon there will be consolidation. I swear.

I remind you this is a Living Article Play Thing. I have a Beginning and and End typed. Soon there will be a Middle.
...............................................
When Bill Clinton was in his impeachment process, I wrote a short play about the event. I entered it into the Ten Minute Play competition and it was performed at the City Theater in Wilmington Delaware. It got a standing ovation from the audience. :::does quiet happy dance:::

Telling a story with interesting characters in 10 minutes is a challenge.

I have not looked at it for a long time. I think for giggles and because my original and only script is in tatters and scribbled all over, I am going to retype and rediscover it here. Who knows, maybe I will rework some of it into a new impeachment opus.

I am a big fan of the Living Theatre. I traveled from East Gibip to attend one of their performances. The photograph is from The Brig 1964. Prophetic?  Their work has been an influence on mine. This is a Living Article because I will be editing and rewriting as I go. Such fun. Send money. Keep me off the Street.

UPDATE begins here:.........................................................

It has been so long since I looked at the script, I forgot the title. Original title was M & M's or Mania, Marketing and Millennium. Bit pretentious, I think now.

BEGINNING:

Bella:
Occasionally, when I feel a need for companionship, I hang out at a bar in Philadelphia affectionately known to we regulars as The Toilet.

Donna:
The Toilet Bar has a large picture window (uniquely decorated for every holiday) through which one may watch exotic flora and even fauna stroll Frankford Avenue.

Bella:
So there is a woman standing on the corner at the bus stop. A white Cadillac stops, she gets in the car and it drives off. Gone 15 minutes. And she is back on the corner.

Donna:
Black Lincoln pulls up. 20 minutes. Back and tucking the green under her wig.

Bella: A Jaguar pulls up. Back at her post.

Donna;
A Lexus pulls up. At this point, the Woman has attracted widespread establishment attention.

Bella:
The whole bar is cheering. And Tommy the Bartender asks "Given stamina, what has this Woman got?" She is generic female. Neither ugly nor lovely.

Donna:
Upon investigation, it becomes clear that whenever a guy in a new car with a $50 haircut approaches, this Woman hikes up her skirt, shows her panties and hollers "Yo Baby, scratch and sniff."

.....................................getting coffee

HOT NEW COPY.

A short play for two characters. It is a play that is also a dance a la Living Theatre a bit. One day perhaps, a dance professional will help me notate it. Here is a bit from the end:

ENDING:

Bella:
I saw an ad for Right Guard. I have a Secret. I do not want to be protected from wetness. I am into sordid unprotected sex with long haired 20 year olds. These days a hard row to hoe.

Donna:
If we apply the concepts we have been discussing, you are in real need of a new look.

Bella:
Botox. Nip and tuck. Piercing various body parts?

Donna:
Ugh.

Bella: Shave the head and grow the legs. Look like a stick in a skirt? That will take off a few years.

Donna:
Too hard. Oh too hard. O tempore!

Bella:
So I went out and got a tattoo. Two eyes. One on each of my inner thighs. That way, if any wandering person should come to visit down there, it will not feel lonely and might tarry awhile.

Donna:
Honey, you still be the same old stuff.

Bella:
Yeah but I have hot new copy.

MIDDLE: Some of it.

Note; This is the part where I talked about Bill's penis. I only have fragments of a script. I am going to have to search in my papers. So no continuity at the moment. Damn.

Donna:S
Modern Life. It is 8 a.m. I am making coffee. My baby girls turn on the TV. I can tell by the lack of noise, they are rapt. Cartoons? No.

 A woman wearing too much fuchsia lipstick is intoning gravely "The President has a penis...and he uses it." Gah. Quick newsbreak 11 a.m. - "The President has a penis, it bends to the left, and he uses it often. News at noon - "The President has a lovely, loyal and intelligent wife; he has a penis and it is evidently the focus of a right wing conspiracy."

Bella:
Bill is no Spring chicken. So same old stuff. Hot new copy.

The State of Missouri is a Sexpig Rapist Peeker Pervert.

Graphic by Favianna Rodriguez.

What is happening in Missouri? 

“It is the moment that we have long been warning about,” Bonyen Lee-Gilmore, director of state media campaigns at Planned Parenthood Federation of America, told Vox: “the day that abortion access is eliminated without ever overturning Roe.”

I did a series about the pervert sexpig males who populate the wombnazi movement. I had to quit because I was giving myself bad dreams. I am a rape survivor. Nevertheless, I have to write about this sexpig being paid by a US State to humiliate and degrade women. So without further comment meet Dr. Randall Williams, director of the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services.

I am at a loss for words. Sickening? Perverse? No word or words seem adequate to describe State sponsored rape-stalking. Run the tape. How you like the bow tie?

I wrote this.

I am not sure if this is a bad poem or the opening sentences of a bathetic mystery thriller. If it is a poem, it needs a second stanza. Too sad. If it is the opening of a throwaway novel, it achieves the right level of sappy happy bathos. 

I am not sure I can do a second stanza. It is one sloppy happy thing to go on social media and leak words;  writing is another thing entirely. The word KOOL has to go. 

Dying can only be done alone.

Kool if you have loving company. 

Bad if you have cold company. 

Worse if you have none.

Mormons Are Dangerous - Real Philadelphia #3

I live in a Philly Rowhouse. My door opens right onto the street. I am hanging out at home one day minding my own business.  I hear Knock Knock on the door. I quick open it.

Standing there are two young guys who look like Tarantino Hit Men. As I was about to draw my sword in defense, I saw little name tags. It is Elders Keith and Kevin. I said "Yo guys. Where's the other K?"

Elder Keith said "We have come to share some scripture with you, Ma'am." I said "Sure. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." And the scripture throwdown was on. They quoted shit at me; I quoted shit at them; they quoted shit at me...and then, I had an Epiphany.

Elders Keith and Kevin started to look a little sweaty to me. I had a moment of intense self consciousness. I realized I was standing in my doorway in my pajamas, hair uncombed, no bra, doobie in hand at 3:30 in the afternoon. And what was going on for Elders Keith and Kevin was "Oh boy. We have only been in Philly one week and we have met our first real drug addict." I resent that. I am a writer. Context is everything.

I was so upset by the Mormon invasion that friends from St. Philomena's decided I was in dire need of crisis counseling. We went to the Toilet Bar in Frankford. I got so drunk I was treading the fine line between ecstasy and puking. So one of the Ushers took me out into the alley and rolled me a doob. I was able to avoid puking, mellow out and explain myself. Timothy is such a thoughtful young man.

It is not that I do not like Mormons. I understand the spiritual impulse. I have read The Varieties of Religious Experience. I hang out with Quakers and they are really peculiar. I have even been known to drop acid and consult the Lawn Gnomes.

No. It is not that I don't like Mormons. No. This is what bothers me. I am a mental health consumer, occasionally medicated for public safety. I still think Mitt Romney SuperMormon is coming to get me. I know Mitt Romney thinks the same.

Diwali Dog

Nepalis know how loyal man's best friend can be and celebrate canine companions in an annual festival called Kukur Tihar. Meet Moti. What a beautiful being.

Diwali 2019 Date in India: This year, the festival of lights falls on October 27.

Kukur Tihar or Kukur Puja literally means the worship of dogs. This is a mini-festival within a larger Hindu celebration of Diwali, the festival of lights. 

According to Nepalese tradition, one of the festive days is dedicated to the human's most devoted friend and guardian. In Hindu religion, a dog is a sacred animal, intended to have a special bond with a human, so as to accompany us on our way to heaven.

PORK!

It is too serious around here. Past time for some Filth and Dirt. Filth & Dirt is a whole category here.

Speaking of swine, I take this opportunity to say we need to regularly and randomly drug test Congress. Start with Steve Cantaloupe Calves King. But I digress.

“Squeal” is the name of the campaign ad Joni Ernst ran during the Iowa GOP primary. Ernst said learning how to castrate hogs made her qualified to cut pork (as in federal spending) in Washington.

Fukum says "Joni Ernst is Michele Bachmann with pig testicles." Wrong. Only if she has the testicles in her pocket. 

I have it on good authority that this photograph on the left is a Joni Ernst selfie. Gives new meaning to the verb to pork.

Of course, I am lying. But why should FUX Snooze and Ernst have all the fun?

DESPITE CAMPAIGNING ON PORK-CUTTING FAMILY LIVING “WITHIN OUR MEANS,” SEN. ERNST’S KIN TOOK OVER $460,000 IN FARM SUBSIDIES

Joni Ernst's teeth make me nervous and I am not even male. I am going to stock up on popcorn and beer. I think this woman is a hoot.

This is a Cagle Post cartoon by Taylor Jones. Cagle Post could use some support from lovers of editorial cartoons. They are under political cyberattack. Contribute a little as a buck a month and enjoy guilt free superior cartoon pleasure. See the cartoonist talking about his work in the video below.

October Cat with Music

Click Me to Learn Halloween Animal MakeUp

 

Smutty Smut - Asshats on Parade

Utah is the state that consumes the most pornography.

This post has musical accompaniment below.

The sponsor of a recently passed Utah resolution declaring that “pornography is creating a public health crisis” appeared on the Family Research Council’s “Washington Watch” program yesterday to defend the measure, which the governor signed on Tuesday, and allege that the availability of pornography is violating his “First Amendment right to not view it.” - See more...

Dude, stay away from the computer. Or put out your eyes. Problem solved. 

And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell. Matthew 18:9

The President is Very Angry.

I hear that the President is very angry, or, let me be precise: I hear that he is truly bouncing off the walls. - Michael Wolff

Donald Trump has unleashed a stream of furious outbursts over the whistbleblower revelations, just days after House speaker Nancy Pelosi announced an official impeachment inquiry that some believe could yield results as soon as October.

Okay. I have a bit of doggerel for every occasion. I only have one verse. I need more. I will try to add more as the day progresses. But this is a good start. Y'all can help in the comments if you care to do so.

Some hours later...

To the rhythm of This Land Is Your Land.

Bouncing Cheeto
Is having a shit fit.
Get Melania
To give him some tit tit.

I am feeling desperate
Cuz DC is a cesspit.
And Donald Trump
Is such a lackwit.

We can leave town
While he has his ho' down.
Let's use the Prius
So they will not see us.

We need to dump Trump
The swollen fecal lump.
Then we will be free.
Enjoy sweet liberty.

Refrain: Freedom is good for you and me.

Hat tip to Dan Grevy for the desperate rhyme and Claude Jacques Bonhomme for the cesspit rhyme respectively.

.

Ya think Hillz is enjoying Trump's Mess. Or doing Confused Mourning?

From Jonathan “Song a Day Man” Mann. He writes a song every day. Good Mann.

Hillz is the Dancing Queen. No dance more American than the Shimmy. See below:

IT IS IMPEACHMENT. HOT TIME IN THE OLD TOWN TONIGHT.

Popping the popcorn. Pouring myself some Krupnik. Let the good times roll! American Songs of riot, celebration and pure unadulterated lust are what we need.

 

\\

At least I know there is something wrong with me.

Why do zealots have such difficulty with the concepts Armed Liberal, Pro Choice Mother, and Peaceful Nonviolent Demonstration? Anybody else notice that deficiency?

This is what passes for a right wing intellectual. Poor guy looks like Trotsky. Trotsky was assassinated. Seriously.

Dave Granlund is the Editorial Cartoonist.

Matthew Vadum‏@vadum

Note to MoveOn anti-free speech thugs: Our side has guns, tens of millions of them. Behave yourselves. #tcot

Tits Galore in Colorado with Music!

Fort Collins, Colorado government removed a public ordinance that banned women from going topless in public in a win for the ‘Free the Nipple’ movement. A Fort Collins spokesperson said, after spending more than $300,000 defending the ordinance in court, “The money was just better spent on other city priorities." Good decision. Jennifer Aniston was determined to fight this to the death, although she wears a bra. Nipples may go to the Supreme Court. 

I feel ambivalent about this decision. Pasties itch. And you have to use nail polish remover or alcohol to get the glue off. I mean, pasties with what you can now see on the net? Something so sweet and innocent about classic Burlesque in retrospect.

However, this may lessen the impact of civil disobedience of the militant kind. Life is strange. You win some, you lose some.

About a dozen topless protesters stopped traffic on Market Street this morning, as part of a National Day of Action for Black Women and Girls. Using the hashtag #SayHerName, protesters sought to draw attention to black women victims of police violence, such as Rekia Boyd and Kayla Moore.

“You don't know the women's names in the same way you know Michael Brown and Tamir Rice,” said Kharyshi Wiginton, 40, who took part in the protest. While the founders of the #BlackLivesMatter hashtag and many of the leaders of the movement are women, much of the national conversation around police brutality has focused on black men, including Eric Garner and Freddie Grey.

I say every woman has that one song that releases her inner Stripper. This is my song. It has been covered over and again. Pick the one you want to hear it from. What is your song?

Whoopee We Are All Gonna Die!

I cannot look at Trump. Cannot listen to the maggots voice anymore. The news is making me sick.

It is fantasizing starting WWIII. And making public threats to do it. We have an insane amoral thug for POTUS. Now what do we do?

John Adams, Defence of the Constitutions of Government of the United States

1787Works 6:130--31, 206--8

The right of a nation to kill a tyrant, in cases of necessity, can no more be doubted, than that to hang a robber, or kill a flea. But killing one tyrant only makes way for a worse, unless the people have sense, spirit, and honesty enough to establish and support a constitution guarded at all points against tyranny; against the tyranny of the one, the few, and the many. Let it be the study, therefore, of lawgivers and philosophers, to enlighten the people's understandings and improve their morals, by good and general education; to enable them to comprehend the scheme of government, and to know upon what points their liberties depend; to dissipate those vulgar prejudices and popular superstitions that oppose themselves to good government; and to teach them that obedience to the laws is as indispensable in them as in lords and kings.

 .

Baby on the Loose with Music

My Mom always said "I hate a liar more than a thief." My Mom was smart. A thief steals your goods. A liar steals reality. 

LIEwandowski's argument: "But Mommy, Johnny did it too-oo and Johnny did it fir-irst." Would one accept such an argument from one's lover or child?

Bobby McGee Exactly. Every movement, every squack, every shriek from these stooges comes from infantile origins.

When disciplining Babies, the offense must be followed by the sanction ASAP. Babies do not reason well enough to understand action=consequences if offense is separated in time from sanction.

This guy should have been arrested by Capitol police on the floor for contempt of Congress and put in the cell(s?) for that purpose in the Capitol basement. Ignoring an insult emboldens Thugs. Doing nothing reinforces the idea that an aggressive defiant posture is good politics and indicates big mojo. "I kick you and I win! Wachoo gonna do now, Cuck?"

“Certain types of loudmouthism should be a capital offense among decent people.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress

We need unity. Not tantrums. LIEwandowski is running for Senate. I think this is and will be the shortest run for Senate in our history. How will we know Baby Corey is not fibbing if we do not put him under oath every time he speaks? @@.

SALMAGUNDI - September 2019 - When dicks fly.

salmagundi noun

sal·​ma·​gun·​di | \ ˌsal-mə-ˈgən-dē \
1: a salad plate of chopped meats, anchovies, eggs, and vegetables arranged in rows for contrast and dressed with a salad dressing
2: a heterogeneous mixture : POTPOURRI

Trump administration delays expansion of clean water rule
By MICHAEL BIESECKER January 31, 2018

Trump says 'air and water are the cleanest they've ever been' in US
BY ARIS FOLLEY - 06/18/19 09:47 PM EDT

I will believe Donald Trump when Dicks fly. The last time we ignored water pollution, the Cuyahoga River caught on fire. The one great thing Nixon did was create the EPA.

If climate change is real, the two things you and your loved ones must consider is finding a reliable source of clean food and water for your survival. Sharks are now commercializing and privatizing water rights. I know climate change is real. I have a volunteer avocado tree that has survived two Winters. I live in Philly.

Zone 7 for the Gardeners out there.

I think Ben Shapiro is channeling Walter Winchell. Winchell did it better.
https://www.criticalpast.co...

Sarah Palin is in the news again. Feh. I wrote this when SP likened torture to Xian baptism. I was at peak rage.

And fuck you, John McCain. Fuck you for inflicting this bimbo on America. This cheap slut was meant to be VP of the United States of America? Can she even spell America?

Old fool McCain voted with his dick for this Koch-sucking-meth-addicted-secessionist Bimbo Queen of the Universe. And fuck any advertiser who quits me because I said this. I cannot find language filthy enough to express my revulsion. And I am a trashmouth with talent.

I have a hatred for the disinformation warriors - Marketing specialists. They have weaponized speech to a degree undreamed of by Goebbels. And Goebbels was good at his job. I am more worried about this than I am about nuclear war/plants and I am plenty worried about that. Comedians are the Prophets of our time.