Merry Christmas Cat

cat haiku

You never feed me.  Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.  That will sure show you. You must scratch me there!  Yes, above my tail!  Behold, elevator butt. The rule for today:  Touch my tail, I shred your hand.  New rule tomorrow. In deep sleep hear sound  cat vomit hairball somewhere  will find in morning. Grace personified.  I leap into the window.  I meant to do that. Blur of motion, then --  silence, me, a paper bag.  What is so funny? The mighty hunter  Returns with gifts of plump birds --  your foot just squashed one. You're always typing.  Well, let's see you ignore my  sitting on your hands. My small cardboard box.  You cannot see me if I  can just hide my head. Terrible battle.  I fought for hours. Come and see!  What's a 'term paper?' Small brave carnivores  Kill pine cones and mosquitoes,  Fear vacuum cleaner I want to be close  to you. Can I fit my head  inside your armpit? Wanna go outside.  Oh, poop! Help! I got outside!  Let me back inside! Oh no! Big One  has been trapped by newspaper!  Cat to the rescue! Humans are so strange.  Mine lies still in bed, then screams;  My claws are not that sharp.

mail welcome: admin @ strangeplaces.net

I finally got this poem right. Merry Christmas to me and thee.

A Bitty Ditty for Marilyn

Fornicate! Fornicate!

Who gave us this SEX so great?

It's God.

As I do the in and out,

I have oft been known to shout:

Oh God!
Amen.

And here is a Christmas poem for your enjoyment
by Anonymous .

Twelve Days of Christmas

On the 12th day of Christmas, my Rupert gave to Me:

12 dullards droning
11 ranters ranting
10 bores-a-boring
9 baggers bragging
8 hawks-a-hawking
7 spinners spinning
6 geezers greying
5 Ben-gha-zis
4 Blondes with Thongs
3 Freedom Fowl
2 Phony Facts
and a pervert named Bill O' Reilly.

Potluck Panic? Make Xmas Eve Salad.

This is the time of year when Folks throw ( office, church, garage, AA, bowling team, study group, etc.) POTLUCK parties. That can be a problem if you cannot cook, or if you are too lazy to cook much, and some other fortunate Soul snags the Chips & Dip or Beer & Soda contributions.

This Salad can be your saving grace. You do not have to cook but only prepare the fruit with care and combine carefully. Everyone will think you are a whizbang gourmand. And if you are Vegan, you will have something you can eat. Use the videos on you tube on how to cut up fruit or not. There is more than one way to skin a Potluck. Happy Holidays!

Ensalada de Noche Buena

4 small Apples, cored and sliced
4 medium Oranges, peeled and separated in sections
3 cups of canned Pineapple, drained
4 small Bananas, sliced
3 tablespoons Sugar
2 tablespoons Lemon Juice
Romaine Lettuce leaves
2 cups canned Beets, drained
1/4 cup Peanuts

Combine the first six ingredients in a large bowl, cover and refrigerate until they are cold. At the moment of serving cover a salad bowl with the Lettuce leaves, mix carefully the Fruits and the Beets, and place the mixture over the Lettuce. Sprinkle Peanuts on top and serve immediately. Serves 12.

NOTE: Always wash your hands before you prepare food. Be sure to drain the canned ingredients thoroughly.
Some folks, my friends remind me, may be allergic to peanuts. So I would offer them on the side, roasted and salted, as a garnish. 

Organic Rum and Jasmine Liqueur

I am gifting myself with a bottle of organic Jasmine Liqueur this Christmas. And one of dark Rum. Corporate distillers use additives that ordinary folks would not use, if we made our own spirits.

Making liqueurs and wine at home used to be common in American life as this scene from Arsenic and Old Lace attests. An excellent cookbook which has a chapter on home liqueur making is Spoonbread and Strawberry Wine.

Greenbar Organic Distillery makes their own Vodka, Gin, Tequila, Liqueurs and Bitters without additives, using classic distillery techniques and all organic ingredients.

A bottle of anything Greenbar makes would be a welcome hostess gift. I have nothing to gain from any transaction you make with Greenbar beyond the success of the company. Quality counts.

TRU Jasmine Martini

Ingredients:

1 1/4 oz TRU vodka
1 oz FRUITLAB jasmine liqueur
1/4 oz simple syrup

Glass Types: (Martini/Coupe)

Instructions:

Shake + strain into a martini glass
Garnish with an edible flower

I am NOT shopping.

"Bah, humbug." - Ebenezer Scrooge

I remember when I loved shopping. My Nonna would get her shopping bag. She and I would go to Mazilli-Baptisti to buy Italian staples. There would be dried beans, chestnuts, and lentils in barrels. The smell of cheese and cured olives was overwhelming. Then we visit the Butcher. Then dish towels from the Lady-Who-Speaks-Italian-so-Fast I cannot understand her. Then the Baker where the scent of anise would make me faint with cookie anticipation. Shopping was a dignified sensual tour of the neighborhood. We got all the Chambersburg news and tangerines at Nelly's Fruit. It was the most exciting part of my week. I was about four when she started to take me shopping.

I am not shopping anymore. Shopping has lost its charm. Why? People are shooting each other in the stores. Every fricking thing for sale is made of or wrapped in plastic. You know, that stuff that is never going to biodegrade and is forming islands?  Most of the things that compose the seatrash were not even manufactured in the 50s. Somehow we lived without plastic bags. And lived well. The streets were clean even in poor neighborhoods. The beaches and the surf were pristine.

You know what happened to Mazilli-Baptisti? The last time I went there the place was dark, the door was ajar and there was almost no stock. It was dark and dank and smelled bad. Then the owners, the Grandsons, got busted for dealing cocaine in the 80s. "Mannagia America!" the old folks would say around the table.

I am not shopping. Mostly because I cannot afford to buy anything. Who is buying all this stuff? You got me. I only know one thing. As the Corpos who make everything we buy got larger and richer, the trash piles also got larger. And the jobs got smaller and meaner.

The Corpos privatize the profits and socialize the trash. You see them picking up any of this "convenient and disposable" crap? Or paying taxes for the city to do it? Plum Street is full of trash I pick up myself. Trash seems to flow down Plum Street from the Avenue like tampon applicators on the high tide.

I have had enough. I own enough. I am tired of dusting the stuff. I am not shopping. I wonder if I am alone.

http://grist.org/living/ask-umbra-what-do-i-do-with-my-worn-out-sponges/

Dear Santa...one of those...and one of those... - Attitude Adjustment

This video makes me want to go out and howl at the moon.

 I want three of these for Christmas. Chocolate, vanilla and ginger.

Desire never dies. 

I think I will give Cheesecake equal time: Vintage PinUp Girls:

Political Signs - December 2013

Tis the season to be political. Happy Holidays!

Christmas should be about politics and not presents, according to a new study into the meaning of Christmas.

The author of a new report, The Politics of Christmas, Dr Stephen Holmes said “Our modern view of Christmas is largely a Victorian invention, thanks to the imagery within Charles Dickens’ tale A Christmas Carol, and bears little resemblance to the story as told in the gospels. The Christmas story is intensely political, with St Matthew and St Luke focusing their sights on firm questions of economic exploitation, imperial oppression, social stigma, and petty tyranny..”

Click Me!

If you think this is rude, just google "naked Santa images" or "naked Sarah Palin" and you will see I have been relatively polite and restrained.