Tale of Tampon Fairy, the Golden Knight, and the Magical Tampon Rite

I am repeating this story in solidarity with Sisters in Arizona prisons who cannot get tampons at all or more than 12 pads per month. They get fined for bleeding on their uniforms. I say GENERAL STRIKE. Nobody wear pads or tampons. Bleed the fuck all over the mofo's prison. We are as tough as British women, right? 

Once upon a time . . . 
Guns are okay but the tampons must go! 

State troopers are confiscating tampons, maxi pads and other potential projectiles from those who are entering the Texas capitol to watch the debate and vote on a controversial anti-abortion bill. Guns, however, which are typically permitted in the state capitol, are still being allowed. Several people tweeted that troopers were taking the objects before allowing entrance into the gallery:

Stand with Texas Women. 

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God bless prochoice men. Bless them just standing there in their socks with a sign.

And now for the Magical Tampon Rite.

Culture Cakes

Judson Phillips of Tea Party Nation is raising a hue and cry for freedom.

Phillips is dismayed that Governor Jan Brewer vetoed SB1062 in Arizona. You know, The Gay Bill. He fears the end of it all will be slavery and the Penis Cake. And the Orgy.

The crusade is diverse. The Phillips crusade is not just about Christians. He wants to protect Muslim caterers from pork. I would make a pork joke here but it is too easy.

"Should a devout baker be required to create a cake for a homosexual wedding that has a giant phallic symbol on it or should a baker be required to create pastries for a homosexual wedding in the shape of genitalia? Or should a photographer be required to photograph a homosexual wedding where the participants decide they want to be nude or engage in sexual behavior?" 

I thought this Phillips person was full of feverish fantasy and a little over the top. I thought I would check it out. I googled Penis Cake. ZOMG! I need to get out more.

You can get a Penis Cake for most any occasion. Penis Wedding Cake anyone? 








Penis Cupcakes? 
Or Penis Bread?

I can see how this situation might create anxiety. Gives a whole new meaning to "Let them eat cake." Or "the staff of life."

If Judson Phillips becomes entirely too anxious, he can always soothe himself by learning how to bake a Booby Cake. Boobs are soothing. Nom nom. 

Or Judson Phillips could just stop thinking about that icky homosexual sex. Or take a damn Xanax and keep his fevered dreams to himself. When did minding your own business go out of fashion as an American value? When did humiliating customers because Jebus come in?