My search for God/Truth/Light has taken me some interesting places, driven by lust and pride and fear in part. I want to avoid the pains of Hell.  I wanted to have that overwhelming religious experience that I had seen illustrated on religious cards, that ecstasy and enlightenment. I wanted to be St. Agnes in Triumph with Lilies.

I am troubled by my errors. I want to believe that there is order somewhere and that my actions matter in the grand whirl of the universe. Worst of all --  I wonder if maybe there is no meaning. And if there is no meaning to it all, is that bad or good?

I am having such a good time these days, I do not know what to do with myself. So when I am not eating bon bons, I write diaries. And smile a lot. And wait for comments, if any.