Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I am NOT Shopping

"Bah, humbug." - Ebenezer Scrooge
I remember shopping. My Nonna would get her shopping bag. She and I would go to Mazilli-Baptisti to buy Italian staples. There would be dried beans, chestnuts and lentils in barrels. The smell of cheese and cured olives was overwhelming. Then we visit the Butcher. Then dish towels from the Lady-Who-Speaks-Italian-so-Fast I cannot understand her. Then the Baker where the scent of anise would make me faint with cookie anticipation. Shopping was a dignified sensual tour of the neighborhood. We got all the Chambersburg news and tangerines at Nelly's Fruit. It was the most exciting part of my week. I was about four when she started to take me shopping.

I am not shopping anymore. Shopping has lost its charm. Why? People are shooting each other in the stores. Every fricking thing for sale is made of or wrapped in plastic. You know, that stuff that is never going to biodegrade and is forming islands?  Most of the things that compose the seatrash were not even manufactured in the 50s. Somehow we lived without plastic bags. And lived well. The streets were clean even in poor neighborhoods. The beaches and the surf were pristine.

You know what happened to Mazilli-Baptisti? The last time I went there was almost no stock. It was dark and dank and smelled bad. Then the owners, the sons, got busted for dealing cocaine in the 80s. "L'america cosa si puo fare?" the old folks would say around the table.

I am not shopping. Mostly because I cannot afford to buy anything. Who is buying all this stuff? You got me. I only know one thing. As the Corpos who make everything we buy got larger and richer, the trash piles also got larger. And the jobs got smaller and meaner.

The Corpos privatize the profits and socialize the trash. You see them picking up any of this "disposable" crap? Or paying taxes for the city to do it? Plum Street is full of trash I pick up. Trash seems to flow down Plum Street from the Avenue like tampon applicators on the high tide.

I have had enough. I own enough. I am tired of dusting the stuff. I am not shopping. I wonder if I am alone.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

JONIK - Artists Give Me Such a Woody

I found another great political cartoonist. See more of the Artist's work HERE and HERE:



Monday, November 10, 2014

Stuff It, Turkey.

I love Philadelphia. If you poke around in corners of the city, you can find unexpected treasures. I found Simpson-Fletcher's Soul Food Recipes at the Tacony Library Book Sale. 

Find out about the Church that created the cookbook here if you want to know more about the particulars. Just scroll on down past the chicken coop.

Simpson-Fletcher's Soul Food Recipes devotes a whole chapter to Stuffings. These were the most interesting. I will be trying them over the Holidays. They make a yummy sound in my mind.

If you try them, let me know how they turned out. Regional recipes do not contain step by step directions or even quantities. I produce them verbatim anyway. This Foody assumes an adventurous spirit in anybody who frequents Plum Street. I am making the Fish or the Capon. I hate Turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sweet Potato Stuffing the Jamaican Way
from Ms. Thelma Graham

1 and 1/4 cups mashed Sweet Potatoes
7 slices toasted Bread cubes
6 links Pork Sausage
2 tablespoons Water
1/4 teaspoon crushed Marjoram leaves
1/2 cup finely chopped Celery
1 finely chopped Onion
1/4 teaspoon Pepper
1/4 teaspoon Sage
1/2 teaspoon ground Thyme
2 tablespoons Butter
1 and 1/2 teaspoons Salt

Combine toasted Bread cubes and Celery with mashed Sweet Potatoes. Mix and set aside. In a frying pan, put Sausage links and cold Water. Cover and cook for 10 minutes then pour off any fat and break links into small parts. Add chopped Onion to the pan and cook until Sausage is browned and onions are clear. Remove from heat and add all the seasoning. Mix well. Now add Sausage mix to the Sweet Potato mixture. Blend well and stuffing is ready for stuffing a large Capon.

Sweet Pickle Stuffing for Baked Fish
from Albert the Chef

2 cups Rye or Whole Wheat Bread crumbs
1 cup Sweet Pickles, minced
2 Celery Stalks, chopped
2 tablespoons Onion, minced
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1/4 teaspoon Pepper
1/4 teaspoon Sage (optional )
2 tablespoons melted Butter

Mix all the ingredients thoroughly. Toss the crumbs so they are well coated with melted butter. Stuff the Fish cavity. This is enough for a 3 pound Bass or Trout.

Poor Man's Turkey

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” ― Abraham Lincoln
This recipe comes from Karen Rock and Recipes of the Liberty Bell Chapter #266 - Vietnam Veterans of America. Seems apropos given the cuts in food assistance nationwide. Yes, I am even political on Thanksgiving. Probably why I am single. I am not running a Chili Parlor. I am a political organization.

This might taste awfully good on those days when you are sick of leftover Turkey and you have some stuffing left. I never have any stuffing left. And I hate Turkey. Might have to improvise. Happy Thanksgiving.

Poor Man's Turkey

1 pound Ground Beef
1/2 cup Bread Crumbs
1 Egg
1 small Onion, chopped (optional)
2 tablespoons Soy Sauce
1 cup cooked Stuffing
1 slice raw Bacon (optional)

Combine first five ingredients and form into one loaf. Cut in half lengthwise and insert Stuffing into the middle of the loaf. Put back into shape and bake one hour at 375 degrees. Place strip of Bacon on top of meatloaf to keep it from drying out. Serves 4.

The Evil Queen Said What?

Cardinal Burke has said that the Roman Catholic Church led by Pope Frankie is a 'rudderless ship.' I love my Papa Frank. As long as we are flinging poo, Cardinal, I think I will join in the fun.

I never see pictures of Pope Frankie with some guy's face in his crotch. I wonder if the phrase 'tone deaf' has any meaning for the Cardinal. At least at Immaculate Conception there was an altar rail between me and the Bishop's johnson.

Do you think the Cardinal is a power top? If it looks like a power top and it walks like a power top ... well, you know.

Cardinal Burke says that it is a not a good idea to invite my same-sex-married Sister and her spouse to Christmas Dinner because it may hurt the children to see them. Never mind the happy couple have a son.

First, when did Cardinal Burke become the Host at my dinner table? What hubris. What revolting narcissism.

Second, I do not want my children and grandchildren to see Cardinal Burke. They might point and laugh and that is rude. We must avoid "occasions of sin."

I do not want to see Cardinal Burke. Evil Queen.

Evidently, Pope Frankie feels the same way.

Cardinal Burke has so much 'rudder,' he needs some nameless faceless boy to carry it for him and look after his hat. See that big honker of a ruby ring that matches Burke's rudder?

See the Nuns way back there in the balcony in the photograph?

Pope Frankie did not ask for much. Pope Frankie only asked Burke to shut the fuck up. You would think a prince of the church would have the grace and good sense to accommodate God's representative on Earth. Hey, do not give me any lip. I am just holding the RCC to its own standards.

Ya think all this satin and lace and nasty remarks about my family is really what Jesus had in mind? Do ya think Cardinal Burke would look better in purple than the red with ermine? Thank you, Federico Fellini, for the fabulous fashion tips. Cardinal Burke needs help. I mean, everybody knows you do not wear white shoes after Labor Day.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

TALK BACK by VOTE! - November 2014 Sign of the Month

I learned how to do a write-in vote this morning. It was easy. The poll watcher and election judge never did a write in vote before. So we both did something new.

And now I am teaching my kids all about the write in vote. I do not have to settle for a substandard candidate. Democracy - it is a wonderful thing. Writing in the guy you really want is the way to go. I voted for myself. Nobody better.

I voted YES! for Tom Wolfe and Jason Dawkins. 

NO on Brendan Boyle. I will not vote for an anti choice Democrat. And time for a change from the Tartagliones. Past time. 

That said, the little sign is the party machine sign.  

The big sign is the TALK BACK SIGN. Hat tip to scribeboy

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Cranberry Walnut Thanksgiving Pie - Happy Holidays!

When I first encountered this recipe, I scoffed. Nothing this easy could be all that good, I thought. The easy in this pie is no pastry to make. I was so wrong. Make this once and it will become a holiday favorite.

This recipe meets my standards (simple to make, no exotic ingredients, dynamite result). The sweet tart taste is divine. The pie has a texture like a soft shortbread cookie with fruit.

For cooks who have to turn out good food for their family on short notice in a regular kind of way, this recipe is a godsend. I found this recipe in a regional cookbook. It came from Mary Yeaple of York Friends Meeting. Mary Yeaple says of this recipe "I always make two pies at a time because they don't last long."

Cranberry Walnut Pie

1 1/4 cups fresh or frozen Cranberries
1/4 cup Brown Sugar
1/4 cup chopped Walnuts
1 Egg
1/2 cup Sugar
1/2 cup all purpose Flour
1/3 cup Butter, melted *

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Butter a 9 inch pie plate and layer cranberries on the bottom. Sprinkle with brown sugar and nuts. In a bowl, beat egg until thick; gradually add sugar, beating until thoroughly blended. Stir in flour and melted butter; blend well. Pour or spoon over the cranberries. Do not stir. Do not worry if the batter does not cover each berry and nut. The high butter content and lack of leavening make the batter relax and become more liquid when heated. Bake for 40-45 minutes or until golden brown. Cut into wedges and serve with ice cream or whipped topping. English custard sauce would be good too.

* Note: 5 1/3 tablespoons to be exact - I eyeball it with the help of the little tablespoon marks on the butter label. Be sure to use a nine inch pie pan. Do not take the pie out too soon or it will be too soft. Let it cool completely before slicing. A pie server is useful.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Bat Cat says BOO!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! See more pet costumes HERE

Warning - some of the costumes at the linked site seem less than dignified and a bit cruel. However, most are funny and make you go AWWWW! Take your silly pictures, laugh if you must and get that damn costume off your long suffering pet ASAP. 


Monday, October 27, 2014

Let Them Eat Cake

I am running this again because the god damn cake war has started up anew. A gay Christian is so sad for the homophobe bakers he is running a fund raiser. I never thought when I started to blog I would be writing so much about CAKE.

Cake is a metaphor for all the 'things' religious authoritarians want to save me from or for. Feel free to substitute the words 'birth control' or 'abortion' or 'big fat hard cock' for the word 'cake.' Maybe that will help with perspective on this mess.

The impetus for this rant was an article at The Atlantic entitled Is Evangelical Morality Still Acceptable in America?

I do not care if the Evangelical motivation for their political actions is sincere religious objection or bigotry if the result is the same - humiliation, punishment and deprivation for physical or social characteristics a customer cannot change or does not need to change - blackness, gayness, femaleness, muslimness, queerness.

When a baker refuses to do business with a person(s) because of perceived gayness, what is the purpose of that action?

Is it to shame/punish the person(s) for being gay? It certainly is not civil religious disobedience, also referred to as conscientious objection.

What is nonviolent civil or religious disobedience? Gandhi's definition is the clearest in my opinion:
"I have also called it love-force or soul-force. . . I discovered in the earliest stages that pursuit of truth did not admit of violence being inflicted on one’s opponent but that he must be weaned from error by patience and compassion. For what appears to be truth to the one may appear to be error to the other. And patience means self-suffering. So the doctrine came to mean vindication of truth, not by infliction of suffering on the opponent, but on oneself." - Mohandas Gandhi.
The conscientious objector must take upon him/her self the burden of conscientious objection. Transferring the burden of conscientious objection to the Other is not conscientious objection. It is assault. Which assault the Bible directs the religious to commit. Stone the Gay! If you cannot use a stone because it is 21st century America, use a cake.

Cakes or stones, both are punishments and not religious conscientious objection. Religious Authoritarians do not get to inflict religious punishment anymore on folks in the United States of America. No matter how many times they obfuscate and yell Jesus!

Let us face our history and look it dead in the crusade. Religious zealouts will disembowel you for Jesus while singing Onward Christian Soldiers. And feel real good about it.
"The people of Samaria must bear their guilt, because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword; their little ones will be dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open." - Hosea 13:16

Asshats on Parade - One Trashmouth Old Lady Protest March Edition - UPDATE


UPDATE: The Peep Show continues. When are they going to bring in the pole?

Oops! Megyn Calls The Huckster's Show A Naughty Word

Freudian slip, Megyn?  

::: chanting :::

What do we want? Facts in Media. 
When do we want them? Now!

Hey hey Megyn K.
How many lies did you tell today?

Tell me what a hooker looks like?
This is what a hooker looks like.

I don't know but I've been told:
Megyn's thong is stuffed with gold.
She got that gold by telling lies.
For FUX Snooze that I despise.
Megyn Kelly get on down.
Get on down to Fascist Town.  

Monday, October 20, 2014

Send Money and Lawyers because the Personhood Shit Keeps Hitting the Fan. No Guns. Hat Tip to Warren Zevon.

The United States legalized abortion nationwide in 1973, in part because of the clear evidence that restrictive laws were not ending abortion but were exacting a significant public health toll, notably on lower-income women who could not travel or pay for safe services. Almost immediately afterward, pregnancy-related deaths and hospitalizations due to complications of unsafe abortion effectively ended." - From Facts and Consequences: Legality, Incidence and Safety of Abortion Worldwide, Guttmacher
You can make a difference and beat back personhood laws. If you go HERE, you can find out some ways to do that. Even if you have not got an extra cent, you can paste this news to your facebook page. 

There is no issue more important than bodily integrity for women and men. No one is permitted by general agreement to seize someone's body for treasure or to benefit any 'person.'

If you break the social contract and seize or attempt to seize my body, I have the right to stop you by force - by hurting you or killing you. The right to self defense is absolute. Explain to me why being female erases these rights and agreements.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

FANghazi !

Skeletor rides again. I know PROGRESSIVES will whine now and call me looksist. Up their giggy. Implying Governor Rick Scott of Florida is a monster is right on point. See the article below. I think this would make a fabulous Halloween costume.

Better yet. Read the article in its entirety at the provided link. Then ask yourself:
Self - is this the kind of medical mind we want to have in charge of public health in the time of Ebola and antibiotic resistant Tuberculosis?
I have been thinking and reading for awhile about this subject. If you feel like it, Cher Reader, kindly leave a comment and tell me what your Self thinks. I get lonely in the kitchen.

Use a picture. It is worth a thousand words. - Arthur Brisbane

Rick Scott Shuts Down TB Hospital Amid "Worst Outbreak in 20 Years

Despite a warning from the Centers for Disease Control, it's the latest move by the Florida governor to gut public services.

Welcome to the Sunshine State: Republican-run since 1998, tea party-controlled since 2010, and fast becoming one of the lowest-service states in the nation. Which helps explain how lawmakers shut down its only tuberculosis clinic last month, just as the worst outbreak of the infectious disease in America's recent history flared up with a vengeance in Jacksonville, Miami, and who knows where else—an outbreak that state and local officials sat on until last month, according to an investigation published by the Palm Beach Post.
Tuberculosis—the lung-liquefying disease of "consumption"—is the world's second-biggest infectious killer, but had been largely eradicated in America in the early 20th century, owing to improvements in health services. A few flare-ups, mostly of foreign origin and mostly affecting indigent populations, continued to occur sporadically in the United States, which was why Florida in 1950 opened the AG Holley State Hospital in Lantana, just west of Palm Beach. AG Holley's website (which has since been taken down by the state) billed the facility as "the only public health hospital in Florida," a safe place where TB victims could be quarantined and cured, and one of the last such facilities in the US. ... read more at Mother Jones.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Is Snotty Toast?

I hope we can wave Goodbye to Governor Walker soon. A girl can dream.

MADISON (WKOW) -- Gov. Scott Walker (R-Wisconsin) says a liberal organization is "grasping at straws" by accusing him of rejecting the federal expansion of Medicaid as a favor to the insurance industry.

But in denying the allegation, Gov. Walker's answers on the subject provided only more confusion.
According to the campaign finance watchdog group the Wisconsin Democracy Campaign, members of the health insurance industry donated over $1.27 million to Gov. Walker from 2009 through 2013.

Wisconsin Democracy Campaign President Mike McCabe tells 27 News that is close to seven times more than the $183,196 Gov. Jim Doyle got from the same industry from 2005 to 2010.

The liberal social justice group Citizen Action of Wisconsin claims there is a direct correlation between those donations and the Governor's rejection of the federal Medicaid expansion.
- by Greg Neumann

Thank you doodabides. Artists give me such a woody. 
See more of doodabides photoshop mastery here:

Friday, October 10, 2014

BuckeyeB's TEX-MEX Munch Mix

I am not interested in football. I am surrounded by those who do like football. They need football snacks, so I make them snacks. 

BuckeyeB has been kind enough to give me (us) her famous snack mix. You will not believe how good this is until you make it. I give it to you as she gave it to me. 
1 box (12 oz) Cheese-It type crackers
1 stick butter (butter)
1 package Taco Seasoning Mix (I use Ortega Hot & Spicy)
1 Tbsp. Worcestershire
½ teasp. Seasoned salt
Pre-heat oven to 250. Spread crackers on a large foil/parchment lined cookie sheet in a single layer. I always eat a handful at this point, ‘cause the box sizes were different when I first put this recipe together, & there’re too many crackers in a 12 oz. box for my cookie sheet…& ‘cause I’m the cook & I can!
Melt butter in a small saucepan & add the rest, mixing well. Pour over crackers & mix well again. Bake for 1 hour, stirring every 15 minutes.
When the 1st batch goes in the oven, mix up another batch of the butter mix & do the same with a roaster pan full of whatever you like/have on hand, things like…
1 large can French’s Onions (no generics)
1 can salted peanuts
1 can potato sticks
Corn chips, pretzels, bagel chips, crackers…whatever. Put this pan in the oven when you stir the first batch the first time, & bake it for the remaining 45 minutes, stirring every 15, too…otherwise the onions burn.
Turn both batches out to cool...I use the top of a copy paper box...& sprinkle with a little salt of your choice. I use plain ole kosher! 
If you make a bunch of batches…like at Xmas…write down the
time you put the crackers in the oven, or you start losing track. Trust me!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

St. Louis Blues - Sign of the Month - October 2014

Another young black man in St. Louis shot by an off duty white police officer because he was "running like he had a gun." Say what? His name is Vonderrit Myers Jr. 

Seems like a 'pedestrian check' is the St. Louis version of "Papers please." I would run from the cops in St. Louis and I am pink. 
This is the statement from St. Louis PD sent to Buzzfeed reporter Jim Dalrymple:
An officer working department-approved secondary for a security company, wearing a St. Louis Police Officer's uniform was in the 4100 block of Shaw when he attempted a pedestrian check. The male suspect fled on foot. The officer pursued the suspect. The suspect turned and fired a gun at the officer. Fearing for his safety, the officer returned fire striking the suspect, fatally wounding him. The officer was not injured. A gun was recovered from the scene. The officer is a 32-year old white male. He has been on the force for 6 years. The suspect is a black male believed to be 18-20 years old. As is department policy, the officer has been placed on administrative leave. The investigation is ongoing.
This post has musical accompaniment - St. Louis in better days - and we have to go back to 1929 to find those 'better days.' Now that is sad. It is more than sad. It is intolerable. This video is beautiful.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Roasted Pumpkin Guts

When I was a child, you could buy a box of roasted salty Indian Brand Pumpkin Seeds at the corner candy store. The box the seeds were packed in had a beautiful illustration of an American Indian in full Chief's headdress. The brand is still around but the illustration is gone from the packaging.

When you get done carving that pumpkin for Halloween or just to make a pie, you can roast your own pumpkin seeds. Roasted pumpkin seeds are so good.

Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

1 and 1/2 cups raw whole Pumpkin Seeds
2 teaspoons Butter, melted
Pinch Salt

Preheat oven to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C).

Toss seeds in a bowl with the melted butter and salt. Spread the seeds in a single layer on a baking sheet and bake for about 45 minutes or until golden brown; stir occasionally.

This recipe comes from - for my money the best recipe site on the net. Cooks share their variations on the recipe and their opinions of the recipe's quality. Think Chili Roasted Pumpkin Seeds. Or Cinnamon Roasted Pumpkin Seeds.

Cooks also share practical tips for recipe execution like this tip below. There are a lot of creative cooks in the world. This tip is from Valerie's Kitchen.

If you've never roasted pumpkin seeds before here are my tips. When you carve your pumpkins scoop the seeds into a colander and the guts onto newspaper. Inevitably some of the guts will be mixed in with the seeds but when you run water over them it's separated out pretty easily. After you drain the rinsed seeds, pour them onto a large, dry cookie sheet and let them sit for 24 hours or so to dry out. Now you can pick out the remaining pieces of pumpkin stuff that didn't get pulled out earlier and they will roast better if they are not wet when they go in the oven. My family prefers them seasoned with garlic salt in place of regular salt but you can use whatever suits your taste. So good!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Pumpkin Pie Cake

I love all the lovely orange vegetables that come into season in the Fall. Pumpkin anything is divine. This photograph was taken at Trauger's Farm in Bucks County Pennsylvania.

This recipe meets all my requirements: simple ingredients, easy to make, tastes really good. I made this for a family party and even those who "do not like pumpkin" had seconds. Served warm or cool with whipped Cream or Ice Cream.

Pumpkin Pie Cake 
16 ounces canned pumpkin
12 ounces evaporated milk
1 1 /2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1 yellow cake mix
1 cup butter (2 sticks)
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts
Mix together the pumpkin, evaporated milk, sugar, eggs, salt, cinnamon and pumpkin pie spice in a bowl.  Pour into a greased 9x13  pan. Then sprinkle the dry cake mix over the entire pumpkin mixture in the pan.  Be sure to use all of the cake mix.  Then spoon 1 cup of melted butter over the dry cake mix. Sprinkle chopped nuts over all.  Bake at 350 degrees for 55 minutes. 

Note: Watch this cake carefully. It may take more time in your oven. Once you have made this recipe once, you can get creative. I like to use fresh grated Nutmeg and dried Ginger instead of boxed all purpose spices. Try Spice Cake Mix or Carrot Cake Mix. Yes, you can leave the Nuts out. You can use Coconut in place of or with Nuts.

This is a forgiving recipe, so get a little crazy and create your own family version. I saw a recommendation for parchment on the bottom of the Cake. I think using parchment is a good idea. Be sure to butter the pan and the parchment.

October's Bright Blue Weather

Fall is my favorite season. Time to make Pumpkin Pie and enjoy good Soup. Halloween will soon be here. The colors of Fall are so rich - eggplant purple, bright blue sky, bright orange squashes. Time for children to dive into piles of golden leaves with abandon. Life is good. 
October’s Bright Blue Weather
O SUNS and skies and clouds of June,
And flowers of June together,
Ye cannot rival for one hour
October’s bright blue weather;
When loud the bumble-bee makes haste,
Belated, thriftless vagrant,
And Golden-Rod is dying fast,
And lanes with grapes are fragrant;
When Gentians roll their fringes tight
To save them for the morning,
And chestnuts fall from satin burrs
Without a sound of warning;
When on the ground red apples lie
In piles like jewels shining,
And redder still on old stone walls
Are leaves of woodbine twining;
When all the lovely wayside things
Their white-winged seeds are sowing,
And in the fields, still green and fair,
Late aftermaths are growing;
When springs run low, and on the brooks,
In idle golden freighting,
Bright leaves sink noiseless in the hush
Of woods, for winter waiting;
When comrades seek sweet country haunts,
By twos and twos together,
And count like misers, hour by hour,
October’s bright blue weather.
O suns and skies and flowers of June,
Count all your boasts together,
Love loveth best of all the year
October’s bright blue weather.
Helen Hunt Jackson 

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Captcha Comics

I have found another great cartoonist. Correction: bluebeard cattown found a cartoonist and turned me on to him/her. 

I can only post one or two comics because all work is copyrighted and posting more is not fair use. 

Go to the website for more and see for yourself. These are the ones that I find hilarious. 

Friday, September 19, 2014

The Penis and the Gun or This is for Fighting and This is for Fun

There are a number of websites that are tracking 'accidental' gun wounding and gun death. These stories, especially the stories about the dead toddlers, used to upset me. You can read another new gun death or wounding story every day in America. For awhile I was in a constant state of upset. 

The whole American gun debacle is so ugly, ridiculous and constant that all I can do now is laugh. Do you think maybe God has a sense of humor? A truly black sense of humor? I mean, what would you find funny if you were God?

BANG - right in the penis! And the Dumfuckistanis shoot themselves in the dick regularly. Oh the schadenfreude - it is delicious. The Aussie comedian below is so right on.

I could go on and on and on ... but you get the idea. "His girlfriend's little pink pistol" got him right in his little pink pistol. LAUGHING MY ASS OFF.
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) – Police in Portland say a man suspected of shooting a neighbor shot himself in the groin while trying to leave the scene of the crime.
LEHIGH ACRES, FL - A 23-year-old man was taken to the hospital with multiple burn wounds after he accidentally shot himself in the genitals with a flare gun, according to the Lee County Sheriff's Office.
Man accidentally shoots himself in groin at Alaska State Fair by Tegan Hanlon
A man in Macon Georgia shot himself in the penis on Thursday, according to WMAZ Channel 13.
CHANDLER, Ariz. – Police are preaching firearms safety after a Chandler man accidentally shot himself in the penis with his girlfriend's little pink pistol.
Police in the town of Rio Claro received a call around 8:00 a.m. on Sunday from witnesses who had heard a shot coming from a parked car. The responding officers found a driver slumped at the wheel bleeding from his... private parts.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Corpse Fingers and Chicken Wire Ghosts

Every year I collect creative and amusing ways to decorate for Halloween and recipes for Halloween food. It is my favorite holiday.

The decorations this year are so witty. They have the added advantages of

1. not filling landfills with garbage that is not biodegradable

2. and they are inexpensive to make because they are easy do-it-yourself from ordinary materials you might even have around the house.

Enjoy. Happy Halloween! 

Wacky Archives has directions for making ghostly figures that you can reuse every year. And the commenters have scary refinements.


Click the picture and learn how to make Mummy Dogs, Spider Web Soup and Corpse Fingers.

I can just about hear you and your children laughing while you make this Sick Pumpkin. Easy directions from Can Do Kids Crafts. 

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Bob Crewe Dies at 82.

Bob Crewe is responsible for so much of the greatest American popular music. 

I will be singing his songs and dancing to them until I can dance and sing no more. 

Rest in peace and music. 

Another great song. My daughter Lu just said that she cannot stand more than one song with Frankie Valli. Luscious Lulu says he sounds like Sinatra with no nuts. And she spends the whole second song hoping his testicles will descend. Apple do not fall far from the tree. 

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Asshats on Parade - GoGo Girl Diplomacy or TaTas for Freedumb

Click Me!
UPDATE: "Don't you know who I am?"

Tundra Tart and the Wasillabillies were involved in a drunken brawl in Alaska.
“The owner of the house gets involved, and he probably wished he hadn’t,” Coyne continued. “At this point, he’s up against nearly the whole Palin tribe: Palin women screaming. Palin men thumping their chests. Word is that Bristol has a particularly strong right hook, which she employed repeatedly, and it’s something to hear when Sarah screams, ‘Don’t you know who I am!’ And it was particularly wonderful when someone in the crowd screamed back, ‘This isn’t some damned Hillbilly reality show!’ - Amanda Coyne
The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me? - George Orwell 1984

Christian my sweet petunia. This woman is sober?

There used to be a photograph of a Sarah Palin poop flag on the Net. It seems to have been removed. This will have to do for now. Where is Martin Bashir now that we need him?

And fuck you, John McCain. Fuck you for inflicting this bimbo on America. This cheap slut was meant to be VP of the United States of America? Can she even spell America?

Old fool McCain voted with his dick for this Koch-sucking-meth-addicted-secessionist Bimbo Queen of the Universe. And fuck any advertiser who quits me because I said this.

As you know, cher Reader, it takes a lot to gross me out. Bad Taste is my middle name. Trash is my game. Witness the picture on the left. I bet it is painted on velvet. Or it should be. I want one.

I once played Tina Toxic Queen of Trash in street theatre. Type casting. But I digress.

Torture as Christian baptism freaked me bigtime. I cannot find language filthy enough to express my revulsion. And I am a trashmouth with talent.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Click Me!
Give us this day our daily Pasta. And deliver us from spaghetti-Os. For thine is the semolina, the boiling water, and the sauce. 

Yea, though I walk through the Valley of McDonalds, I will fear no McRib, for thou art al dente. Thy sauce and thy cheese they comfort me. Thou sitteth on the table before me in the presence of chianti. My wine glass runneth over.

Surely goodness and linguine shall follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell with and praise The Flying Spaghetti Monster forever. RAmen.

Penne for your thoughts?

Our first Prophet makes his debut. We are everywhere.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Illegal Abortion in America

In 2014, four decades after the Supreme Court upheld a woman's right to choose, pregnant women once again find themselves crossing the border to Mexico and haunting back-alleys in search of medical care. - Laura Bassett 
I had an epiphany the other day. Roe v. Wade was an attempt to regulate abortion because the abortion situation was entirely out of control in 1970. 
Women were dying in ugly and public ways from illegal abortion. Lots of women. 
Clergy were directing women to safe though still illegal abortion and advertising the abortion referral service in the New York Times. Rest in peace, Reverend Moody. 
NOW was giving parlor teach-ins conducted by nurses to instruct women in the art of 'menstrual extraction' and how to make the device to extract with.
The JANE women's collective was doing safe cheap abortions by the thousands.

A wealthy well known woman with a thalidomide-deformed fetus inside her defied the law and had an abortion abroad. The Media made the rebel abortioneer even more well known and thereby made the plight of poor women who could not travel abroad and needed an abortion more poignant. 
Nobody was waiting for the government to approve abortion. And there was absolutely no control at all. Everybody was doing illegal abortions - the Mafia, your local Nurse moonlighting, doctors with a conscience, etc. It was a Vonnegut style circus.
All by themselves, screaming they are moral, the forced birth cultists have deregulated abortion in America. The back alley abortion is back. There will be no regulations for safety or time limits on when a woman can abort. Gosnell City is here. And the 'pro lifers' built it. 

I would be laughing my ass off except I remember what it was like the last time abortion was illegal. My teen Sister self aborted with quinine. Even my Catholic Mother got an illegal abortion. We could have lost her. I know someone who lost her Mother at age 9 to unregulated illegal abortion. 

How many women will get maimed or die this time around the block? How many women will go to jail and leave their children to foster care? How many peaches will you get if you harm the tree? If you think I exaggerate, familiarize yourself with recent events in my backward state of Pennsylvania:

NOTE: I find it gratifying that the Guttmacher Institute agrees with me. Who knew?
The United States legalized abortion nationwide in 1973, in part because of the clear evidence that restrictive laws were not ending abortion but were exacting a significant public health toll, notably on lower-income women who could not travel or pay for safe services. Almost immediately afterward, pregnancy-related deaths and hospitalizations due to complications of unsafe abortion effectively ended." - From Facts and Consequences: Legality, Incidence and Safety of Abortion Worldwide, Guttmacher

America's Law Enforcement Problem

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I found this excellent essay on law enforcement on Crooks and Liars. It was just hanging out in the comments. The author, Bill Allyn, has posted it on a number of online sites. I hope I can help his comments go viral by publishing them here. I think he covers all the bases. 

"America has a serious, institutionalized, systemic law enforcement problem. Over the last 4 decades, our law enforcement has become increasingly militarized, putting every citizen at risk of being shot and killed for nothing more than reaching for their wallet, as instructed, or less. This may increase safety for police officers (debatable, in the long run), but at the expense of making American citizens far less safe, which is the exact opposite of the goals of law enforcement. We need to create systems that bring back accountability within every level of the justice system.

Nationally, we need to:

1. Create citizen oversight committees with powers of subpoena and prosecutorial discretion for every law enforcement agency in the country. 

2. Require law enforcement officers to be personally insured to protect taxpayers from lawsuits. Too risky for insurance? No insurance, no badge. 

3. Require every law enforcement officer to wear a camera. No camera, no gun. No exceptions. 

4. Require yearly psyche tests and lie detector tests to screen out bad apples. 

5. Require monthly drug and steroid tests.

6. All police agencies must keep a database of every officer-caused civilian injury, shooting or killing, and that data must be periodically transmitted to a third-party, non-biased national database. 

7. Any officer involved in a shooting must be alcohol and drug tested immediately.

8. Officers should be made aware of studies on abuse of power, such as the Stanford Prison Experiment and the Milgram experiment on obedience to authority figures.

9. Create a special number to report police brutality. 

10. Create national database of bad cops, so they don’t just get hired elsewhere.

11. Reverse militarization of police forces. Take away military “toys”, weapons, APC's, uniforms, etc. Keep SWAT/military weapons and equipment under lock and key only to be used in genuine emergencies.

12. End drug prohibition/war on drugs. Use harm reduction strategies. 

13. End private prison industry. 

14. Create a national organization dedicated to these ideals,"

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Ms. Mary Walker's Green Tomato Chutney

I know that I am not the only gardener in Pennsylvania gazing at a bumper crop of tomatoes. Ms. Walker has been kind enough to share her recipe for Green Tomato Chutney with me.

You can learn more about Ms. Walker, British expatriate HERE. 
Unconditional surrender of Europe occurred on my 11th birthday and, in the evening my dad suggested that we ‘go for a walk’. My sister warned that we would be late for the curfew. My Dad simply answered – “It’s such a nice evening, I don’t think we’re going to worry about that tonight”. Cat’s Whisker receivers WORKED! 
Mi casa es su casa. So I am sharing with you, Cher Reader. I give it to you as she gave it to me. Stay tuned for her recipe for Garlic Jam. When Ms. Mary said Garlic Jam, I began to salivate immediately.


5 lbs chopped green tomatoes
1 lb chopped onions
1 tsp whole peppercorns
1 tsp salt
1 lb sugar
1-1/2 cups vinegar (I use either white wine vinegar or cider vinegar)
1/4 cup raisins
1/4 cup sultanas

Mix tomatoes, onions and peppercorns in a large bowl and let sit overnight (covered)
Bring vinegar and sugar to a boil (until sugar is melted) 
Add sultanas and raisins and simmer for 5 minutes
Add tomatoes and onion mixture and simmer till thick (about 40 to 45 minutes).
Put into 8 oz jars - leaving about 1/4inch head-space - and can for 15 minutes.