Dear Sir or Madam: I congratulate you. I regret that whitehouse.gov took your petition down.
You want to punch Grover Norquist in the dick? I would pay money to punch Grover in the dick. I would even pay to watch somebody else punch Grover in the dick. Since the government is too stuffy to arrange this or even leave the petition up, I think we could run a raffle. One dollar a ticket. Some lucky ticket holder will get One Punch.
Think of it. We could pay off a good part of the national debt with the proceeds. Maybe Grover would volunteer. Or we could offer him part of the pot. We cannot kidnap him. That would be wrong. So wrong.
It would be incredibly patriotic for Grover to volunteer. And he does care about the national debt so. Might even be the best sex he has had lately. He has that look. Beat me, Daddy, eight to the bar.* Apology to Mrs. Grover.
I wonder if the petitioner was a little whacked when creating the petition because there is a typo. One would not want to leave a typo on a petition. Well, I would not. I used to be a typesetter. Old habits die hard. This petition is even better than the petitions I talked about here. Who knew the White House petition site was going to be such fun.