Ode to Stormy Daniels and Sign of the Month - UPDATE

As Congress prepares to return from recess, House Dems explore three roads to impeachment, one of which includes Stormy Daniels. Dems are preparing a new probe of Trump’s illegal hush money payments, exploring whether or not they are impeachable.

Pu^^y Grabs Back 
by M. de Angelis

I love you, Stormy.
Oh yes, I do-ooh.

I love you, Stormy. 

Because you sue-ooh. 

I believe you, I do. 

Oh Stormy, I love you.

Stanley - or - This story has no redeeming social value with Music.

I am single. I am bored because I have nothing and no one to do. One of my Viper Girls told me "Ma, you are not allowed to date anybody without a written permission. It is like you have this sign on your head flashing Weirdos Welcome!" Sadly, this is not unreasonable. 

I met Stanley at a screw-rinse-repeat joint in New York City called The Candy Box. I think it was 1976. Stanley was the bald bespectacled guy telling us he “screwed both bartenders and all the other whoo-ers sitting around on the bar stools." Stanley is still loud, profane and bespectacled as I write. A Caveat Emptor, "Whoo-ers are all no good", delivered in loud Brooklynese has to be experienced to be fully appreciated.

I do not know why exactly, but I took him home. He came with me because I told him I had a pool in my backyard. I think he thought I was lying or nuts. He was right about the nuts.

I always enjoyed Stanley. Stanley and I used to have the greatest fights. He was naturally funny. And he always left me money. He could be generous and stingy at the same moment. We hung out together for twenty five years. We made a porno. We ate at every great Italian restaurant in three states. We fought epic fights. He was mean. Years later I found out he used to stand behind me just out of hearing range and make fun of me to people I knew. Stanley financed every crazy thing I could think up to do. And I am creative. Laissez le bon temps rouler.

Everything was great until I got sober and truthful. One day I said to him

"Stanley, God gave you a package that cannot be beat. Even Ron Jeremy steps back. Nevertheless, you suck in the bed. Now that I am dually diagnosed, I am no longer de-generate and de-praved, and the government gives me $638.25 monthly, I do not have to fuck you. So just pay for the fricking thing and stop that whining."

It was the beginning of the end.

Stanley went and got married. He came to see me even after he got married. For a long  damn time. As a wedding present to him and his bride Angela, I taught him how to eat pussy. I know why I did not teach him sooner. He was always a bit prissy about the physical part of life. All that experience taught Stan nothing. It is kind of a turnoff if a guy is salivating copiously all over you at the critical moment because pussy has germs. I miss him still. I still meet him in my dreams.

Although his career was relatively brief, cut short by a tragic plane crash, Otis Redding was a singer of such commanding stature that to this day he embodies the essence of soul music in its purest form.

His name is synonymous with the term soul, music that arose out of the black experience in America through the transmutation of gospel and rhythm & blues into a form of funky, secular testifying. Redding left behind a legacy of recordings made during the four-year period from his first sessions for Stax/Volt Records in 1963 until his death in 1967. Read more here...

Something so sweet and innocent about Burlesque StripTease in retrospect.

You were once wild here. Don’t let them tame you. – Isadora Duncan

When you are on stage, you are having an affair with three thousand people.
- Gelsey Kirkland

Trolls Inspire Me

The_El_Conquistador

"Hillary said the same damed thing against obama. So suck it." (sic)

SUCK! a poem for our times

Melania sucks it.
Sane woman would say 

'Eww do not phuque it.'
Good woman would need a bucket.
Mean woman would yuck it 

up. Bigly.

 Artist is Sandy Huffaker. See more of his art...

HaPenis is a Warm Gun

I wrote this vile snarky article about guns. Because the article and guns are getting renewed attention, I thought I would double down. I like attention

I utilized my MAGIC GOOGLE FINGER again. I googled PENIS GUN. The results range from the literal through the cartoon to the sublime as usual. 

I hope you, Cher Reader, appreciate what I do for you. I suffer so because I am a dirt. Adsense will have nothing to do with me because my blog has...gasp...pornography. 

This photoshop made me wince when I saw it. And I have an inny.

Pistol Smoke Drawing Pencil On Paper by BenziDraw

Giant Mutant Robot Scorpion Penis with a Gun by YYS-Musey

I do not know what to say about this. Naughty, Google. Naughty.

Dirty Blues Sunday #5 - Irene Scruggs

Dirty Blues deals with topics that are considered taboo in proper society. Such music was banned from radio and only available on a jukebox in the blind pigs and juke joints of our nation. It was dancing music. Saturday night at the juke joint music.

Irene Scruggs (born December 7, 1901 – died probably July 20, 1981 in Germany) was an American Piedmont blues and country blues singer.

Using the pseudonym Chocolate Brown she recorded tracks with Blind Blake. To avoid contractual problems she was also billed as Dixie Nolan. By the early 1930s, Little Brother Montgomery took over as her accompanist on recordings and in touring.

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises. Good Grinding · Little Brother Montgomery with Irene Scruggs

Dirty Blues Sunday #4 - Bessie Smith

Bessie Smith earned the title of “Empress of the Blues” by virtue of her forceful vocal delivery. She often sang without a microphone and her voice could fill the largest hall. Bessie Smith danced, acted and performed comedy routines with her touring company. She was the highest-paid Black performer of her day.

Bessie Smith, aka Elizabeth Smith, was born April 15 1898?, in Chattanooga, Tennessee. She died September 26, 1937, in Clarksdale, Mississippi, from injuries sustained in a road accident. It was said that, had she been white, she would have received earlier medical treatment, thus saving her life, and Edward Albee made this the subject of his play The Death of Bessie Smith (1960).

Empty Bed Blues is the song I think of when I hear her name. Bessie Smith did not scorn the Dirty Blues. These songs were standards in every blind pig and juke joint in the South and North.

Bessie Smith sang with most Jazz and Blues musicians of the era. Bessie Smith with Orchestra (Louis Armstrong -- cornet, Fred Longshaw, harmonium) -- St. Louis Blues, Parlophone ca 1935 (British re-edition of the US Columbia, MX 140241 from 1925)

Bessie Smith's only film appearance 1929. This is the complete film co-starring Jimmy Mordecai as her gigolo boyfriend. This film fell into the public domain in 1958 due to lack of copyright renewal.

Dirty Blues Sunday #3 - Bo Carter

Bo Carter, born Armenter Chatmon June 30 1893, is an American Delta Blues musician. He is well known since 1960 for his Dirty Blues songs. In 1928 he recorded Corinna Corinna. 

That's probably where everyone else got their version they recorded. Eric Clapton calls his version "Alberta, Alberta". I've even heard it called, "Sweet Maggie, Sweet Maggie". I guess you can use whatever woman's name you are trying to impress at the time. - Arkansas Red

Bo Carter was a member of the Mississippi Sheiks which Bo also managed. That group included his brother Lonnie Chatmon on fiddle and occasionally Sam Chatmon on bass, along with a friend, Walter Vinson, on guitar and lead vocals.

Dirty Blues. The filth and dirt begins now. Please Warm My Wiener recorded 1934.

For those not familiar with American slang I offer a translation. Biscuits are breasts. Biscuits, Jelly Roll, Fruit Basket - all such sweet talk. 

Released 1931. Rock me, Daddy. Rock me all night long. 

This recording is not particularly dirty. I include it because of the classic guitar riff which sounds so familiar. 

Dirty Blues Sunday #2 - Lucille Bogan

I found that Dirty Blues is a music genre all its own just poking around on the net last Sunday. And then I went looking for the music and songs. And I am finding such treasure.

Lucille Bogan 

April 1, 1897 – August 10, 1948

Mrs. Lucille Bogan is an American blues singer, among the first to be recorded. She also recorded under the pseudonym Bessie Jackson. She was born Lucille Anderson in Amory, Mississippi.

The music critic Ernest Borneman said Bogan was one of "the big three of the blues", along with Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith. Reference: Russell, Tony (1997). The Blues: From Robert Johnson to Robert Cray. Dubai: Carlton Books. p. 94. List of songs written by Lucille Bogan. 

Released under the pseudonym Bessie Jackson. B.D. stands for bulldagger or bulldyke, colloquial terms of the era that meant lesbian. The term bulldyke has unfortunately survived to the present day among the sexually frightened.

Piggly Wiggly, the Southern grocery chain's imaginative name, becomes a pseudonym for brothel in sly Dirty Blues. Double entendre is the name of the game. We will be learning more together every Sunday. 

Banner Records - Song Recorded 3-5-1935 In Chicago, Illinois. Written by Lucille Bogan.

Last but not least, a song about marijuana. Great Grandpa and Grandma were not the old fogies you might think they were. Reefer Blues, Vintage Songs about Marijuana Volume 2. 

Pornography - UPDATE

Hugh Hefner is dead. Some folks are casting shade on his memory by calling him a pornographer. Hugh is the wonderbread Modernist version of a pornographer. Now Big Al Goldsten, he was the pornographer's pornographer. I was there.

Portrait of Goldstein on the cover below.

Screw and Al Goldstein are long gone now but I still remember the fights and furor brought on by Screw's content. I came across an interesting blog that features the cover art of Goldstein's Screw Magazine. You want to go there.

Note: Nothing about this essay is safe for viewing at work. I guess my blog is not safe for work too. So sue me.

SCREW #358, art by Bob Dunker

Pornography is ancient and the controversy over its value or lack of value in human lives continues. I reproduce this cover. It illustrates the editorial tone of the magazine better than any words I could write.

I am ambivalent about pornography. I like to look at dirty pictures. Some of what appeared in Screw made me sick. I appreciated the social satire and Goldstein's crusades for free speech.

I love Cartoon Art. I am a fan of vintage pornography. You can see a gallery of SCREW covers by Milton Knight.

Feminists have been in a long dialogue about the depiction of human sexuality.

"Pornography is about dominance and often pain. Erotica is about mutuality and always pleasure."
Gloria Steinem "Erotica vs Pornography", in Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions (1983)

"Pornography is the essential sexuality of male power: of hate, of ownership, of hierarchy; of sadism, of dominance."
Andrea Dworkin, Pornography, Men Possessing Women

“Prostitution, perversion, and pornography are intertwined with independence and radical politics in the history of outstanding women. Radclyffe Hall, Colette, Anaïs Nin, Kate Millett, Erica Jong--all of these women used the money they made from writing about sexuality to make it possible for them to live as rebels, dykes, feminists, artists, or whatever deviant and defiant identities they assumed.” Pat Califia, Some Women

I miss Al Goldstein. Rest in peace. It is true Goldstein was a Dirt. It is true that much of what he published was disgusting. A great deal of it was funny. Very funny. Nothing Goldstein published was as obscene and pornographic as this video below.

CUSS OUT THROWDOWN

These videos will go a way toward improving the CUSS-ABILITY of the average American. A good CUSS OUT is an Art.

There are 429 swear words in Pulp Fiction. You can figure out the plot from just the cussing.

And it seems the Guyanese and Irish are Cuss Artists of the first rank. Cussing, to be effective, must have a rhythm and range. 

::: pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy :::

Take this as an invitation to show us your precious pussy. Meow. A picture of your cat will do. Heh. Or find us another pussy song and post it in the comments.

Photograph is a flower Hydnora africana.

Hydnora africana is an plant native to southern Africa that is parasitic on the roots of members of the Euphorbiaceae family. The plant grows underground, except for a fleshy flower that emerges above ground and emits an odor of feces to attract its natural pollinators, dung beetles, and carrion beetles. The flowers act as traps for a brief period retaining the beetles that enter, then releasing them when the flower is fully opened.

Filth and Dirt - Censorship and Poetry

Disqus is an internet comment system I use on my blog.

Dear doG, I hate internet censorship with all my heart and soul. Disqus channels' robot censor suspends Charles Bukowski. A Poetry site. He is unacceptable. I wonder if he will ever get out of PENDING. 

I tell you the truth, I cannot live in a world where Bukowski is unacceptable and I cannot use the word SLUT in a bit of Doggerel. I wonder if I will ever get out of PENDING.

Here is my doggy silly transgression:

Suckabee!
He's oozing all over me.
Fat right winger on a spree,
Peddling God for the GOP.

Suckabee!
Calling me 'slut' for a fee,
To takeThe Pill from me,
Peddling shame and eternity.

Suckabee!
Left FUX Snooze TV,
To run for the Presidency
An act of cupidity.

Refrain:
Just ignore the crucifix in the parlor.
Suckabuck sells Jesus for the dollar.

Here is what the great Bukowski is not allowed to say. And he is such a cute old guy. I think he was old when he was young. And he got younger when he got older.

Ultimately, when I think about it, I have been pretty unacceptable at times. When you are bipolar, you tend unacceptable. So take the grain of salt with the whining.

Back To The Machine Gun - Poem by Charles Bukowski

I awaken about noon and go out to get the mail
in my old torn bathrobe.
I'm hung over
hair down in my eyes
barefoot
gingerly walking on the small sharp rocks
in my path
still afraid of pain behind my four-day beard.

the young housewife next door shakes a rug
out of her window and sees me:
"hello, Hank!"

god damn! it's almost like being shot in the ass
with a .22

"hello," I say
gathering up my Visa card bill, my Pennysaver coupons,
a Dept. of Water and Power past-due notice,
a letter from the mortgage people
plus a demand from the Weed Abatement Department
giving me 30 days to clean up my act.

I mince back again over the small sharp rocks
thinking, maybe I'd better write something tonight,
they all seem
to be closing in.

there's only one way to handle those motherfuckers.

the night harness races will have to wait.

OMG GOP WTF? - Tongues in the Sauna - UPDATE BELOW

Get your mind out of the gutter, cher Reader. I know what you were thinking when you read the title. You thought I provided some more Filth and Dirt. Well, not this time.

This woman is a GOP candidate for Senate in Alaska. She is attempting to convert(?) someone in a sauna by singing in tongues.

What is there to say? 2016 cannot come fast enough for me. Many thanks to gtoSnipey for preserving this after she made it private and erased all the comments.

She is back with more and better batshittery. Alaska sent us Palin and this woman. Maybe it is something in the water?

Pussies for Attitude Adjustment

Click Me !

Cher Readers - Announcement

Google has backed down from their new Net Censor mode. Yes!

TALK ME DOWN. I AM FREAKING OUT.

I have been told by google that if I have graphic nudity on my blog, my blog will be marked PRIVATE whether I like it or not.

That means you cannot read or post here unless I put your screen name on a list of regular readers. Evidently you would have an extra step to access the blog. You will get an 'adult content warning.'

If the nudity is for educational purposes, it is kool evidently. Is Mapplethorpe educational or cultural?

EVIDENTLY TOADYS AND PEARL CLUTCHERS CAN REPORT ME. I would like to keep my PUBLIC status. I might have to take down the cock pictures.

I am not sure what to do to preserve my blog as it is. If there are more sophisticated NET consumers than me, and that is not hard, please give me any ideas about how to deal with this. Do I need my own domain to preserve content and ease of access?

Adult content policy on Blogger

Starting March 23, 2015, you won't be able to publicly share images and video that are sexually explicit or show graphic nudity on Blogger.

Note: We’ll still allow nudity if the content offers a substantial public benefit, for example in artistic, educational, documentary, or scientific contexts.

Changes you’ll see to your existing blogs

If your existing blog doesn’t have any sexually explicit or graphic nude images or video on it, you won’t notice any changes.

If your existing blog does have sexually explicit or graphic nude images or video, your blog will be made private after March 23, 2015. No content will be deleted, but private content can only be seen by the owner or admins of the blog and the people who the owner has shared the blog with.

Settings you can update for existing blogs

If your blog was created before March 23, 2015, and contains content that violates our new policy, you have a few options for changing your blog before the new policy starts:

• Remove sexually explicit or graphic nude images or video from your blog
• Mark your blog as private

If you’d rather take your blog down altogether, you can export your blog as a .xml file or archive your blog's text and images using Google Takeout.

Effect on new blogs

For any blogs created after March 23, 2015, we may remove the blog or take other action if it includes content that is sexually explicit or shows graphic nudity as explained in our content policy.

Vaginal Probe Keychain - Magic Google Finger

My friend rg9rts coined the phrase 'vaginal probe keychain.' I never heard of such. I asked what it was. Rg9rts allowed as how it was made up. So creative. We were discussing the War on Women.

I thought it was a euphonious phrase, so I googled it. I did that once before with interesting results. This is the result of my google, The best attributions I can find are below or on the images.:

http://atheistuniverse.net/photo/vaginal-probe

During the height of last year’s outcry over the GOP’s “War on Women,” transvaginal probes became one of the most recognizable symbols of the Republican Party’s overreaching anti-abortion policies. Particularly when Virginia pushed forward with a controversial measure to require all women seeking abortions to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound, women’s health advocates decried the practice as “state-sponsored rape.” Read more at Think Progress.

I do not mean to diss those who enjoy electro sex. It is a shame that the dirty filthy GOP taints all that is good and creative. You can get the bumper sticker below for $1.00 American.

ZOMG. I am in LOVE.

This is what funding abortion looks like. Handsome man of the Cowboy Nerd persuasion and Banana his Cat. I want them both with a purple passion. I have always wanted to do twins. Take the Drink a Beer and Eat a Taco and Fund Abortion Challenge.

In Philadelphia and Pennsylvania, send a contribution to Women's Medical Fund. 

Hold Up, So How Does This Work?

You find yourself a fucking taco, or a fucking beer, or a fucking taco and a beer, then you eat the fucking taco or drink the fucking beer or eat and drink both the fucking taco and the beer, and then you donate some money to an abortion fund. You fucking film yourself doing this shit and then you send us the fucking video and we put it on the fucking internet.

"BUT BUT BUT WAAAAHHHHH I DON’T KNOW ANY ABORTION FUNDS"

Welp you fucking do now.

"BUT BUT BUT WAAAAAAH I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO SEND MY VIDEO"

Welp you fucking do now.

Fred Phelps is dead and all I got is these nasty pictures. - UPDATE

UPDATE: You can find more photoshop artistry at http://www.freakingnews.com/ You will be amazed and delighted by the work there.

KARMA'S CALLING

Click Me!

Satanists Announce Plans To Turn Fred Phelps Gay In The Afterlife

FRED PHELPS JUST DIED - FUCK THAT GUY  By Gavin Haynes

THERE IS NO MORE UNCOMFORTABLY BIZARRE SENTENCE AVAILABLE ON FRED PHELPS THAN THIS FROM JON MICHAEL BELL’S ADDICTED TO HATE
You can read the full text of Bell's Addicted to Hate at the link.

“Mark remembers the family coming back once to find Pastor Phelps jogging around the dining room table, beating the sobbing [Nate] with a broom handle; while doing so, he was alternately spitting on the frightened child and chuckling the same sinister laugh so disturbing to those who've seen him on television.”

Culture Cakes

Judson Phillips of Tea Party Nation is raising a hue and cry for freedom.

Phillips is dismayed that Governor Jan Brewer vetoed SB1062 in Arizona. You know, The Gay Bill. He fears the end of it all will be slavery and the Penis Cake. And the Orgy.

The crusade is diverse. The Phillips crusade is not just about Christians. He wants to protect Muslim caterers from pork. I would make a pork joke here but it is too easy.

"Should a devout baker be required to create a cake for a homosexual wedding that has a giant phallic symbol on it or should a baker be required to create pastries for a homosexual wedding in the shape of genitalia? Or should a photographer be required to photograph a homosexual wedding where the participants decide they want to be nude or engage in sexual behavior?" 

I thought this Phillips person was full of feverish fantasy and a little over the top. I thought I would check it out. I googled Penis Cake. ZOMG! I need to get out more.

You can get a Penis Cake for most any occasion. Penis Wedding Cake anyone? 








Penis Cupcakes? 
Or Penis Bread?

I can see how this situation might create anxiety. Gives a whole new meaning to "Let them eat cake." Or "the staff of life."

If Judson Phillips becomes entirely too anxious, he can always soothe himself by learning how to bake a Booby Cake. Boobs are soothing. Nom nom. 

Or Judson Phillips could just stop thinking about that icky homosexual sex. Or take a damn Xanax and keep his fevered dreams to himself. When did minding your own business go out of fashion as an American value? When did humiliating customers because Jebus come in?