Melancholia Agitata

Melancholia Agitata is what I am suffering through used to be called. I cannot sleep. I am voraciously restless and living in a well of darkness at once. I have been through this before. It ruins my relationships, my work, everything goes kablooey. I never know when it is going to happen. I lost jobs. I lost people. I lost homes.

I will get to talk to Lady Shrink today in the afternoon and that is good.

I do not want to scare anybody. This is not a complaint. It is just a description. I am out of the closet with my crazy. More than anything I want to be understood. It has taken me years to come to terms with my illness. I preferred for a long time to think of myself as bad. You can do something about bad. What can you do with nutz?

A good thing to read if you know somebody like me is Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament by the American psychologist Kay Redfield Jamison. She examines the relationship between bipolar disorder and artistic creativity. 

A study was done which looked at 12 successful Comedians. The parameters were 1. actively working and 2. had earnings of at least $500,000.00 per year. All 12 were Bipolar Bunnies like me. I would give you a link but I am too manic to find the reference right now. 

I am grateful I do not get drunk over this crap and fuck 50 people anymore. Mostly because now that I am older than dirt getting drunk like I used to would kill me for sure. Thank you AA. Lady Shrink told me that 80% of clients presenting with drug addiction are self medicating for a mental disorder.

Peace to everyone especially me. I love you all, my friends. That I write this means I am better than I was.

Resistance Signs of the Month - June 2017

Choose the one you like the best. Can you guess which sign is from Poland? Resist!

There will be some changes made.

I think I am back. Physical pain is gone. Still mourning. I am doing a complete reorganization of my life and my goals. Thank you to all who have been with me on my journey in blogland. It has been years now. Cher Readers, you have made a difference in this introverted maniac's life. 

I apologize to friends who asked me to write them for not writing them. When I said I CANNOT TALK, I meant literally could not communicate in some ways. I have always had a lot to say. I just cannot/could not make intimate conversation. I have never experienced anything like this before. Tears are on my face as I write this. I hope my despair is gone now for good. Peace.