I Troll the Internet

I am retired. I have nothing and no one to do. Why do I troll? Because I can.

I hang out on the message boards. Lots of evangelical Christians comment there. They have great screen names like LordJesusYourGod and HeHasRisen752. Some of them are Fruit Loops. And then, there is Marilyn.

Marilyn's message is that oral and anal sex are The Original Sin of Adam. Marilyn quoted the Bible and used the word "fornicate" 6 times. I love the word fornicate. It is so euphonious. Say it loud. Say it proud.

So I fired back with A Little Ditty for Marilyn:

Fornicate! Fornicate!
Who gave us this sex so great?
It's God.
As I do the in and out,

I have oft been known to shout:
Oh God.

A couple of hours later, when they let Marilyn use the computer in the day room again, she left me another message with more Bible quotes and the word fornication in all CAPITALS and boldface. So I broke out in song again:

FORNICATION!
I am still under your spell.
And if I could speak,
What an erotic tale I could tell.
Of a screw that I have not forgotten,
Of a screw that keeps the silent magic in FORNICATION for me.

I went to get a cup of coffee, came back to the computer, and there was another message from Marilyn. More Bible quotes. And this time the word fornication was in all CAPITALS, bold, italic and bright red. So I wrote back:

It was fornication, I know.
That was what was making my HooHoo glow.
It was up and down.
It was front and back,
I felt my legs go slackety slack, Dear.

I thought it was just some mishap,
When his wife found her way to my shack.
Oops, a big fat gun!
Damn, I had to run!
I escaped out the backety back, Dear.

The wage of Trolling is guilt. Marilyn never wrote me again. I am so going to Hell.

Poor Man's Turkey - Repeated as Public Service

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” - Abraham Lincoln

This recipe comes from Karen Rock and Recipes of the Liberty Bell Chapter #266 - Vietnam Veterans of America. Seems apropos given the cuts in food assistance nationwide the Republicans are working on and the turkey shortage.

Yes, I am even political on Thanksgiving. Probably why I am single. I am not running a Chili Parlor. I am a political organization.

This might taste awfully good on those days when you are sick of leftover Turkey and you have some stuffing left. I never have any stuffing left. And I hate Turkey. Might have to improvise. Happy Thanksgiving.

Poor Man's Turkey

1 pound Ground Beef
1/2 cup Bread Crumbs
1 Egg
1 small Onion, chopped (optional)
2 tablespoons Soy Sauce
1 cup cooked Stuffing
1 slice raw Bacon (optional)

Combine first five ingredients and form into one loaf. Cut in half lengthwise and insert Stuffing into the middle of the loaf. Put back into shape and bake one hour at 375 degrees. Place strip of Bacon on top of meatloaf to keep it from drying out. Serves 4.

RESIST NONLINEAR WARFARE

I am becoming accustomed to being frightened. Maybe all of us are suffering in the midst of NONLINEAR WARFARE. How do you resist a war that nobody but Carl Bernstein says outloud we are fighting? 

"Oh Ma, I don't want to die. I don't think I can stand to smell the bodies fry." - Tina Toxic Queen of Trash

War. Is this not our condition? Nationally, we are now doing two mass shootings a week. Authorities in Texas responded to a bomb explosion at Random, a beer garden near Boerne Lake, KENS-TV reports. There were 2 pipe bombs at the Capitol. Gun deaths now exceed car deaths in 21 States. We have had 239 mass shootings in 2021 so far.

If it looks like a War, and it sounds like War...well you know.

"The Kremlin, according to Barack Obama, is stuck in the “old ways,” trapped in Cold War or even 19th century mindsets. But look closer at the Kremlin’s actions during the crisis in Ukraine and you begin to see a very 21st century mentality, manipulating transnational financial interconnections, spinning global media, and reconfiguring geo-political alliances. Could it be that the West is the one caught up in the “old ways,” while the Kremlin is the geopolitical avant-garde, informed by a dark, subversive reading of globalization?

The Kremlin’s approach might be called “non-linear war,” a term used in a short story written by one of Putin’s closest political advisors, Vladislav Surkov, which was published under his pseudonym, Nathan Dubovitsky, just a few days before the annexation of Crimea. Surkov is credited with inventing the system of “managed democracy” that has dominated Russia in the 21st century, and his new portfolio focuses on foreign policy. This time, he sets his new story in a dystopian future, after the “fifth world war.”

Surkov writes: “It was the first non-linear war. In the primitive wars of the 19th and 20th centuries it was common for just two sides to fight. Two countries, two blocks of allies. Now four coalitions collided. Not two against two, or three against one. All against all.”
https://foreignpolicy.com/2014/05/05/how-putin-is-reinventing-warfare/

"What do I cling to that is useless to understanding our condition?" I ask myself. I have no real answer. Who can focus or think when under constant "shelling?" And gaslighting. Psychopaths can. Psychopaths like Trump and Putin. I am not enjoying government or World by psychopath. 

This is the focus that may work. If my personal integrity is no more, what do I have? Nothing. Some ideas that work for me:

“The wise warrior avoids the battle.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

“All I have on earth is me, myself and my word and I don't break them for no one. So as long as I got those things, I'll be the bomb, you're just a false alarm.”

― Ifeoluwa Egbetade

"You're not to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or says it."- Malcom X.

#13

Favor and disgrace: same fear.

Honor and distress: same self.

What is meant by

"Favor and disgrace: same fear"?

Favor make the lowly

Fearful when they get it,

Fearful when they lose it.

That's why favor and disgrace are the same fear.

What is meant by

"Honor and distress: same self"?

The self registers our distress:

If we have no self,

We have no distress.

Therefore,

He who values all things as his self

Is fit to manage all things.

He who loves all things as his self

Is fit to be trusted with all things.

- Tao Te Ching translation by Herrymon Maurer

Death and Taxes

Men are killing Women so they do not have to pay delinquent child support, face their parents, or lose their home.

Women in the US are more likely to be murdered during pregnancy or soon after childbirth than to die from the three leading obstetric causes of maternal mortality (hypertensive disorders, hemorrhage, or sepsis). https://www.bmj.com/content/379/bmj.o2499.full

Who would have thought that imprisoning or garnishing the wages of 19-year-olds or sociopaths for delinquent child support would be a problem? 

Who takes the burden for this policy? The government? LOL. Nope. The perceived perpetrator(s). The government can compel childbirth. The government cannot feed and house a Woman and her Children. That would be Socialism.

And we cannot have that.

https://www.nichd.nih.gov/newsroom/news/091622-pregnancy-associated-homicide

https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/

Mary’s Place - Hang Out at Your Own Risk

This dog has no redeeming social value.

 

A drawing of Oliver Cromwell’s head on a spike from the late 18th century

In England, the heads of criminals, especially those convicted of treason, were mounted for display on London Bridge from about 1300 until about 1660. Heads were usually dipped in tar to slow down the decomposition process. Criminal punishment was sometimes posthumous, as the body of Oliver Cromwell was exhumed so that it could be hanged, drawn, and quartered, and his head was mounted on a spike and displayed for 30 years. - wikipedia

Stormy Told or A Girl Can Dream

The Mango Mussolini?

Its sword is teeny weeny.
Its intellect is crude and pedantic.
Yet its ego is gigantic.
I am not the only Shrike
Thinks of Mango’s dupa on a spike.

Shrikes (/ʃraɪk/) are passerine birds of the family Laniidae. The family name, and that of the largest genus, Lanius, is derived from the Latin word for “butcher”, and some shrikes are also known as butcherbirds because of the habit, particularly of males, of impaling prey onto plant spines within their territories.. 

Play the Music. Scroll down to see a Chinese Painting of a shrike. Li Di Court Painter. This is a multi-media experience. Send some money to Wikipedia, a Writer’s Friend, to keep it free. I send a small amount every month. Annual Fund Raiser.

Li Di (李迪, active c.1163-1197), Song Dynasty (960-1279)

Roasted Pumpkin Guts - Repeated as Public Service

CLICK ME!

My favorite holiday is coming. Gorgeous pumpkins of all sizes in the market. So I am doing this again. Note: you can roast the seeds of any hard winter squash.

When I was a child, you could buy a box of roasted salty Indian Brand Pumpkin Seeds at the corner candy store. The box the seeds were packed in had a beautiful illustration of an American Indian in full Chief's headdress. The brand is still around but the illustration is gone from the packaging.

When you get done carving that pumpkin for Halloween or just to make a pie, you can roast your own pumpkin seeds. Roasted pumpkin seeds are so good.

Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

1 and 1/2 cups raw whole Pumpkin Seeds
2 teaspoons Butter, melted
Pinch Salt

Preheat oven to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C).

Toss seeds in a bowl with the melted butter and salt. Spread the seeds in a single layer on a baking sheet and bake for about 45 minutes or until golden brown; stir occasionally.

This recipe comes from allrecipes.com - for my money the best recipe site on the net. Cooks share their variations on the recipe and their opinions of the recipe's quality. Think Chili Roasted Pumpkin Seeds. Or Cinnamon Roasted Pumpkin Seeds.

Cooks also share practical tips for recipe execution like this tip below. There are a lot of creative cooks in the world. This tip is from Valerie's Kitchen.

"If you've never roasted pumpkin seeds before here are my tips. When you carve your pumpkins scoop the seeds into a colander and the guts onto newspaper. Inevitably some of the guts will be mixed in with the seeds but when you run water over them it's separated out pretty easily. After you drain the rinsed seeds, pour them onto a large, dry cookie sheet and let them sit for 24 hours or so to dry out. Now you can pick out the remaining pieces of pumpkin stuff that didn't get pulled out earlier and they will roast better if they are not wet when they go in the oven. My family prefers them seasoned with garlic salt in place of regular salt but you can use whatever suits your taste. So good!"

History is Your Friend - CONGRESS

We need the Perp Walk(s). Quisling in Pennsylvania.

Scott Perry did not get his hands dirty bear-spraying police during the J6 battle. He created part of the plan and the ideological framework for the J6 event. I live in Pennsylvania. As we say here colloquially, "His ass is mine." Politically speaking of course. Poem for Perry:

There is a Congressman Scott Perry.

Pennsylvanians must be wary. 

What he did on January 6 

Gives patriots fits. 

Another term sure would be scary. 

(Up him; down him. 

FBI and DOJ all around him?)

Samuel Langhorne Clemens, pen name Mark Twain, was called "the Father of American Literature" by William Faulkner. Twain's contempt for Congress is legendary.

I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman. - "Foster's Case," New York Tribune, 10 March 1873

Robert Berkeley "Bob" Minor, alternatively known as "Fighting Bob", was a political cartoonist, a radical journalist, and, beginning in 1920, a leading member of the Communist Party USA.

"Use of the name "quisling" as term for collaborators came about upon Vidkun Quisling's 1940 coup d'état. He attempted to seize power to make Norway cease resisting the Germans. The term was introduced to English-speaking audience by British newspaper The Times." - Wikipedia

A White Rose for Remembrance

God bless all of the Folks, known and unknown, in uniform and out, who gave their lives for our Democracy. May they rest in Peace and Honor.

Sometimes the work of a photographer is so beautiful that no words can do it justice. So it is with the work of Eddie C. More of his photographs can be found here:

THE YOUNG DEAD SOLDIERS DO NOT SPEAK

Nevertheless, they are heard in the still houses: who has not heard them?

They have a silence that speaks for them at night and when the clock counts.

They say: We were young. We have died. Remember us.

They say: We have done what we could but until it is finished it is not done.

They say: We have given our lives but until it is finished no one can know what our lives gave.

They say: Our deaths are not ours: they are yours, they will mean what you make them.

They say: Whether our lives and our deaths were for peace and a new hope or for nothing we cannot say, it is you who must say this.

We leave you our deaths. Give them their meaning.

We were young, they say. We have died; remember us.

- Archibald MacLeish (1892-1982)

Yo.

Question: 

What do you think Marjorie Taylor Greene eats for breakfast?

Answer:

……dyck…dude prays she does not bite him…again…i am here every evening…tip the waiter…

Manhattan Don

Baggie of Blow in your pocket.
Lick your finger, stick it in the bag,
Stretch and reach over the Bar,
Offer your frosted finger to the Dancers.

I am not the only floozy who went SNORK
On that stubby coke-finger 

And then went home alone

And laughing at you.

You never ever got laid
Cuz the bouncers kept you
But not your coke-finger,

Far away from the pu^^y.

 
When you ran out of coke and got itchy
Off into the night you lurched

To grab rich girl pu^^y.
They had their own coke.

You say LIE! 

Pocketful of Dope.
You are fake news. 

Bad news. So You.

 - M. de Angelis.

 

RANT - Getting Jiggy at Protest Marches

Kyle's Tears

My March Hat

I do not understand why the Police did not arrest Kyle on sight. How did they know some nerdy guy with a super weapon would not shoot them? Why did they fail to disarm him? I cannot force myself to watch the trial.

So far, the super gun shooters have killed Children and Students and Shoppers and habitues of Prayer Meetings. Where is it safe to BE in America? 

Kyle and Friends have destroyed protest marches. Right to peaceful assembly? Guaranteed right in the Constitution, my sweet bippy.

1/6 tells us that shooting and beating LEOs is kool with the middle and upper classes now. New big game trophy = People.

“Scum of the Earth as some may be in their daily lives, they can all be saints in emergencies.”― Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

Java Sweet and Hot

Coffee is good and good for you. Hallelujah! I am celebrating with a cup of Poor Richard's blend coffee from Reading Terminal Market. Life is good.

I was so happy to read this article today. How much do we love coffee? We love coffee so much that we write songs about coffee. Coffee songs below.

Good to know that our love for that first cup in the morning is not in vain. And that drinking another two or three cups may have health benefits.

The illustration is a vintage tin sign. You can find more signs of this type HERE.

Why Coffee Is Good for You
Kris Gunnars, Authority Nutrition

It is more than just dark-colored liquid with caffeine. Coffee actually contains hundreds of different compounds, some of which have important health benefits.

Several massive studies have now shown that the people who drink the most coffee live longer and have a reduced risk of diseases like Alzheimer’s and diabetes. Read more ...

The SCOTUS went SHAZAM! It is now like 1945.

Legislatures must not practice medicine. Practicing medicine without a license is a crime.

Rage. I have it. It's not a good thing for a bipolar person. Not good for me. Not good for others.

The Mother Compelled need not include you in her family or her home. She does not need to feed you or fuck you or befriend you.

Well, say you, "Feminazi, we will pass a law."

How much success did the government have the last time you criminalized abortion? Or drugs? We have checking accounts now. And we vote.

Abortion was advertised in newspapers in Colonial America before women could vote. No one thought childbirth was in anyone's charge but the pregnant person and the midwife. Now, we have put Justice Alito in charge of the American family. 

No more one and done, for ye may die. That cruelty is the Catholic way. Yes, I am a Roman Catholic. I give thanks to Uncle Joe Biden. This is the century in which the Roman Catholic Church will stop maiming and killing Women, Children, and other Odd Citizens. We sane Catholics are seeing to it.

Hemorrhage and sepsis in childbirth and illegal abortion are three major causes of maternal mortality worldwide. Abortion is safer than gestating to term. You could end up being the Mama, Lovebug.

This is not the 50s. Or even the 60s. Women will have sex with each other and help each other. You will be living in the modern equivalent of the Palace Flophouse and Grille. Your biggest Saturday night will be two quarts of beer and a $50.00 tumble at Dora's Bear Flag. *

Talk about suckers carrying "I am stupid" signs. They will put your kid, the one you do not know and you never lived with, to work at age twelve. Sarah Huckafuck has got the pilot program working.

Go ahead and insurrect, you "pussy ass bitches," ** on behalf of Don Con thug and a party who despise you. See what happens. Women will save The Democracy again. ***

##########

* Cannery Row 1945 — "If you're in trouble or hurt or need–go to poor people. They're the only ones that'll help–the only ones." ― John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath

** quote Chrissy Teigen — definition: middle/upper-class White snowflakes entranced in colorism

*** Revolutionary Mothers: Women in the Struggle for America's Independence Paperback — Illustrated, February 14, 2006, by Carol Berkin (Author)

Just throw money. No Quarters. 

Venmo me. @PlumStChili

I need a new computer for this extravaganza. 

Be safe and well.

Trump in Hell

This DOG is one of a series of doggerel poems. The working title is Saga of Bonespurs the Brave. 

Illustration by Buddy McCue, Renaissance Man

POOR RATS

Trump has become a Republican fetish.

They defend him with such industry and relish.

Republicans seem to think

Ship GOP will sink

When we all grok their reign has been Hellish.

(1) Trump PLAN to Use MAGA MIKE as PAWN in Trial DELAY Scheme REVEALED — YouTube

Play the MUSIC. This is a multi-media experience. I get Premium YouTube for the quality of their music videos. 

Bring It On Home To Me (Sam Cooke) | Playing For Change | Song Around The World — YouTube

SEND MONEY TO PLAYING FOR CHANGE.

American Writer

Truth is the Most Benevolent and Powerful Force in the Universe

“A man who lies to himself and believes his own lies becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love, and in him, he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest form of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal in satisfying his vices. And it all comes from lying — to others and to yourself.”

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

 Portrait by Vasily Perov c. 1872

This morning I woke up feeling compelled to share this thought. We currently have a powerful example of such a person in front of us.

Some Members of the Society of the Friends of Jesus (Quakers) are atheists or agnostics. Some refer to GOD as The Truth.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaking_truth_to_power

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.”

― Harry S. Truman

OLD WHITE MEN

I saw a beautiful young Social Justice Warrior carrying a sign that said Don't Let Old White Men Decide About Abortion.

It was Old White Men who fought side by side with us and helped enact Roe v. Wade. I know because I was there, wearing my black wife-beater T-shirt that said SUPER BITCH.

History is your friend. Do some research. All of us Crones will be dead soon.

"The Clergy Consultation Service on Abortion (CCS) was a group of American clergy that counseled and referred people to licensed doctors for safe abortions before the Supreme Court's decision in Roe v. Wade made abortion legal nationwide.

Starting in 1967 with 21 Protestant ministers and Jewish rabbis in New York City, the group operated out of Judson Memorial Church. It grew to incorporate chapters in thirty-eight states with some 3,000 clergy as members. By the time of the Roe v. Wade decision in 1973, it is estimated that the Clergy Consultation Service had nationally referred at least 450,000 people for safe abortions." - Wikipedia.

The SCOTUS enacted Roe v. Wade, an all-male Conservative Republican majority court. Old White Men. That decision is the white-bread Conservative biologically and socially relevant decision. Full text of Roe v. Wade:

https://www.law.cornell.edu/supremecourt/text/410/113

This Old White Man was my mentor. Rest in Peace, Howard Moody.

The Rev. Howard R. Moody, the longtime minister of the historic Judson Memorial Church, who hurled himself and his Greenwich Village congregation into roiling social issues, at one point helping women from around the nation get illegal abortions, died on Wednesday in Manhattan. He was 91. Howard Moody, Minister of Judson Memorial Church, Dead at 91 — The New York Times (nytimes.com)

A heartfelt message to the current Supreme Court of the United States:

Song for the Oily Wrestler and My Heros

WORD PLAY

FUCK (with) synonyms: lay screw shag bang bonk score schtup #$% and some I surely missed. Pick your favorite.

When I turn on YouTube at the end of the day,
When the last winds of work blues have flown,
Conway and Swalwell will be 

There and waiting for me.
I won’t have to #$% Gym Jordan alone.

I won’t have to screw Jordan alone.

Kinzinger’s career died my sins to atone.

Through the darkness, I see.
He’ll still be working with me.
I won’t have to schtup Gym Jordan alone.

Though the billows of lies and trouble may sweep
Jared Moskowitz will care for our own
Until the end of the journey
The Democracy he will keep
I won’t have to bang Jordan alone.

Note: The Democracy is what FDR called All Americans

I used a beautiful old Christian Hymn for rhyme scheme and meter. I know this Singer will understand and forgive me. He was a touch badly behaved once in awhile like me. 

This is a living and transforming Dog. I need three more verses/chorus. I will accept assistance.

DAWGS IN HELL

Hat Tip to Baha Boys

Muttsy Gaetz sought a job on the TV.

Wore his best suit when he applied.

Newsmax said, “No. Man, you too dirty.”

Muttsy went home, snort some and cried.

Greenberg and Muttsy are both Satyrs.

Chant: “We rich, we kool, we young!”

Rich folk need to learn what enough is.

Greenberg squealed. Now, both of you, DUNG.

Refrain just for fun: (yippie-ye-yo)

Mike Pence is Running for President

CLOTHESPIN OPTIONAL

I know a guy
Who lives in a shoe.
Every day he has
Nothing to do.
But cavil and sigh.

I know a guy
Who swallowed some poo.
No one knows why
He swallowed doo doo.

I know why he did that jig.
He swallowed doo to help a Pig.
Let's make him cry.

I know a guy with a bleeding eye.

I know why he's covered by fly.

It's all because he swallowed pig doo.

Smells foul now morning poo from the prig do.

Cavil and sigh. 

Abortion and the American Family

I have remarkable Readers. This Gentleman is one of them. Pass this on everywhere, my political friends. Fly!

From Larry Motuz:

I cannot determine what the SCOTUS will do.

Let's be clear though. In a free and democratic society, any absolute removal of the freedom to choose if and when to become a parent or have more children, including couples' abilities to decide if and when to expand their families --including all associated decisions about temporal spacing between one's children-- renders that society neither free nor democratic, but authoritarian and theocratic.

Whether that Court agrees or not, this has always been the goal of the anti-choice movement. I have said elsewhere that their intention is to take away the inherent power, right and authority of human beings to decide what is good for themselves and their families. They would do so by replacing this authority with their view that the biological heritage of mankind given by whatever god they worship requires the involuntary biological servitude of everyone to their god's dicta to beget children. Their god's dicta is whatever they choose to believe their god wants.

Thus, it is this biological begetting due to their own dicta which comprises the 'involuntary servitude' they seek to impose upon others. Note that since a biological pregnancy may begin as early as five years of age or less, well before pubescence, consent, or the physical, biological maturity to become pregnant and later beget without health hazards to the child begetting a baby, then these anti-choice persons must be considered fanatically opposed to human freedoms and human welfare.

This is not just a women's issue. It is also a family issue, a family welfare issue, a child issue and a child welfare issue. Ignoring these dimensions is the only way of imposing a theocracy upon a democracy.

I would like to see arguments made that undue burdens have been placed upon women, couples, families, and children. Such arguments could empower legislation preserving much of Roe vs. Wade against the burdensome incursions upon all of the above resulting from the Mississippi legislation being challenged and other States' legislation!

April Rain Song

April Rain Song by Langston Hughes

Let the rain kiss you
Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops
Let the rain sing you a lullaby
The rain makes still pools on the sidewalk
The rain makes running pools in the gutter
The rain plays a little sleep song on our roof at night
And I love the rain.

 by erikemiranda

o

James Mercer Langston Hughes (February 1, 1901 - May 22, 1967) was an American poet, social activist, novelist, playwright, and columnist from Joplin, Missouri. One of the earliest innovators of the literary art form called jazz poetry, Hughes is best known as a leader of the Harlem Renaissance. He famously wrote about the period that "the Negro was in vogue", which was later paraphrased as "when Harlem was in vogue."

Photograph by Carl Van Vechten - Library of Congress

Information above is from Wikipedia the writer's friend. I send them a very small sum monthly to keep them free.

For Simon Fokt Ph.D.

With laughs, this set runs for one or two minutes. When I remember an additional minute, I will add it. There is more, but I have yet to perform this set since I had both knees replaced. 

//////////////////

I am so upset tonight.

You are a comedy audience. Get with it. You have lines. I say: I am very upset. And you say: Awwww. So let’s take it from the top.

I am very upset.

Awwwwww.

I found out my boyfriend is fucking two other women.

(visual joke: I am 80).

Men are animals.

Dogs are more faithful.

I said to him, HAMZA: you keep doing the three women cha cha, you will need more than viagra to get it up. You are going to need a crane.

I said to him, HAMZA: you keep doing the three women cha cha, you going to cha cha yourself right into bypass city.

Listen, I am progressive. When we go to Miami, I buy him a beach bunny. Sometimes two. It is the deceit. And the whining. “I want to go to Miami.” One day, I will drop him off at Tabatchnik’s, where I picked him up.

///////////////////////

Simon chastised me for being rude, crude and pornographic. So...? I think of this as giving him some bang for his bunk.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone somewhere, may be happy. 

H. L. MENCKEN (1880-1956), U.S. journalist.

 

PETS - A Bunny Cop and Songs for Easter

Happy Easter!

I really like this Officer. I would like to make him my Pet. I want to stroke his ears. The photograph gives me odd erotic palpitations. 

“As for me I will follow the path of the pink bunnies.”― Magenta Periwinkle

Notes from Wikipedia: the Writer's Friend. I send them a small amount monthly to keep Wikipedia free. 

James Clarence Wakely was an American actor, songwriter, country Western music vocalist, and one of the last singing cowboys. He wrote the song he is singing in this vintage film. During the 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s, he released records, appeared in several B-Western movies with most of the major studios, appeared on radio and television, and even had his own series of comic books.

Little Bunny Foo Foo" is a children's poem and song. The poem consists of four-line sung verses separated by some spoken words. The verses are sung to the tune of the French-Canadian children's song "Alouette" (1879), which is melodically similar to "Down by the Station" (1948) and the "Itsy Bitsy Spider".[1] The person performing the song usually includes hand gestures, e.g. for "scooping" and "bopping".[1]





T

Bede's Beat Redux - 10th Anniversary Edition

 April Fool for Love 

“I still believe that peace and plenty and happiness can be worked out some way. I am a fool.” - Kurt Vonnegut

"Everybody plays the fool, sometime. There's no exception to the rule, listen baby. It may be factual, it may be cruel, I ain't lying. Everybody plays the fool." - Aaron Neville

I asked The Execrable Bede for a special April Fool's Day song. Bede reminded me April is the Anniversary of Lady Day's birth in Philadelphia, PA, on April 7, 1915. 

Happy Birthday, Billie Holiday. We still listen to your Songs. We miss you. Rest in Love and Music.

Bede is one of the Authors who made this blog a success. Rest in Peace and Music. Read all of Bede's Beat.

Tradition: The Fool Can Say Anything Without Punishment

This is the work of Irene Adler. 

I am a problem wherever I go. I test the rules just existing. I do not plan it that way. I just cannot act right. I get (de?)-moralized out of human groups fairly often. I just do not know how to shut up. As Lady Shrink tactfully puts it, I am an activist by temperament.

It is the late 80s, and I am busy trying new jokes out in a motel bar Open Mic, where comedians hang out and do the same. Not much civilian audience, if any.

If you are a man, you can stand up in front of the mic and just say fugga fugga fugga suck and every.body, particularly the drunk Penn students in the second row, laughs and claps. If you are the only woman comic in the room and you say the word clit, your fellows grimace and make horns at you and sigh loudly in disgust. 1987.

Women just are not funny right? Women comedians, particularly women comedians who did sexual humor, were struggling against active male resistance. Maybe they just did not like me? Maybe I am just an annoying snowflake? Well yeah but even the annoying have feelings. Sniff.

Jim Gaffigan followed me out of an Open Mic once, I was near tears. Jim apologized for the beating I was taking because I was doing sexual humor. What a funny good man.

I was working out of the Arts Cafe in Princeton New Jersey in a sketch comedy troupe I produced: Ultrasonic Theatre — Only Dogs Can Hear Us. 

When Art Kelly got arrested, every other male comedian had a pedophile joke. I was pregnant out to there and I had this pregnancy and abortion joke. Okay it was kind of sick.

Troupe, I have this joke.

What’s the joke.

The joke is: I am 43 years old, and I am pregnant, but I am not worried. If it turns out to be a cretin, I will train it to eat me and I can still have orgasms when I am 85.

Disgusting. You cannot say that.

Hey, it’s gallows humor. Black humor, you know. Gets people through war and pestilence. I am talking about death and deformity.

Sick and disgusting. You cannot say that.

A woman who is pregnant at 43 stands a 1 in 26 chance of birthing a handicapped child. The kid might have a hole in its spine and never walk or talk. The only test you could have at the time was given at 4.5 months. One could not get the results until 5 months pregnant. Meanwhile, you can feel the kid jumping around inside going “It’s great in here.”

If the kid is defective, you are bumping up against the 23-week mark upon which the fetus has a chance at survival. You going to kill it because it might be like me, ODD, even though you can feel it doing cartwheels going “It’s great in here.” 

t was a hardass time. Nobody wanted to let me talk about it. Wanted pregnancy. Turned out to be a girl named Jessica Lorraine. All her fingers and toes.

I was crestfallen. Shamed even. I am a grown abused child. I have a big problem with shame. I decided to tell my joke to Lady Shrink. I am bipolar. Most comedians are bipolar according to a study I read.

Once, I said to her, “Never leave me.” She said “Don’t worry. I am taking the phone into my coffin.” That is pretty funny for a PhD. I feel safe. She never pushes my shame or defiance button. Woman saved my life by treating me for free for a while. I am sending her a link to this opus.

I told her the joke. Shrink practically falls off her chair she is laughing so hard. I am getting worried. Finally, she wipes her eyes and says

“Mary, I will pay you any reasonable sum if you do that joke for the Parents of Handicapped Children Support Group to which I belong. We will laugh our asses off.”

Who is/was the sick person here? Censorship sucks the big badoodie. Hurts me. Hurts society. I will believe censorship is useful when we censor stochastic terrorism to the same degree we censor sex. It is a pet hate of mine, and I think I will write more about it.

I will close with a short eulogy for Lenny Bruce. For those who do not know who Lenny Bruce is, he is The Fool who made it safe for all the rest of us to say the word FUCK and defecate verbally on religion. The Governor of New York formally forgave him for the crime of obscenity 30 years after his death. 

My Hero who did too much heroin for the pain, played Carnegie Hall and went to jail for saying fuck.

Join me. Let us give Lenny Bruce the tribute he has earned. On the count of three, let us all yell FUCK as loudly as we can wherever we are.

 One, two, three: FUCK! Good night, Lenny, wherever you are.

Play the video. This is a multi-media experience.

“There is only what is and that’s it. What should be is a dirty lie.”

― Lenny Bruce, How to Talk Dirty and Influence People

”If you can’t say “Fuck” you can’t say, “Fuck the government.”

Lenny Bruce — Complete Live Standup (Rare, 1965) — YouTube

WOKE quote for today: “No woman could have been Nietzsche or Rimbaud without ending up in a whorehouse or lobotomized.
― Andrea Dworkin, Right-Wing Women

I say DO IT NOW

SCOTUS went SHAZAM!

It is now like 1945. I thought practicing medicine without a license was a crime.

Rage. I have it. Not a good thing for a bipolar person. Not good for me. Not good for others.

Steve Scalise got shot by one of my brethren in a rage reaction. Rage is starting to leak through into my online communication. Embarrassing. And I do not want the Secret Service to have any need at all to meet me.

The Mother Compelled need not include you in her family or her home. She does not need to feed you or fuck you or befriend you.

Well, say you, “Feminazi, we will pass a law.”

How much success did you all have the last time you criminalized abortion? Or drugs? We have checking accounts now. And we vote.

Abortion was advertised in newspapers in Colonial America before women could vote. No one thought childbirth was in anyone’s charge but the pregnant person and the midwife. 

Now we have put Justice Alito in charge of the American family. No more one and done for ye may die. That cruelty is the Catholic way. Yes, I am a Roman Catholic. And Joe Biden is also. Here is his response. Go Uncle Joe!

Hemorrhage and sepsis in childbirth and illegal abortion are three major causes of maternal mortality worldwide. Abortion is 14 times safer than gestating to term. You could end up being the Mama, Lovebug.

This is not the 50s. Or even the 60s. Women will have sex with each other and help each other. You will be living in the modern equivalent of the Palace Flophouse and Grille. Your biggest Saturday night will be two quarts of beer and a $50.00 tumble at Dora’s Bear Flag. *

Talk about suckers carrying “I am stupid” signs…then they will put your kid, the one you do not know, and you never lived with, to work at age twelve. Sarah Huckafuck has got the pilot program working.

Go ahead and insurrect, you “pussy ass bitches,” ** on behalf of Don Con thug and a party that despises you. See what happens.

My children will barbecue your liver and lights. Like Pirate Jenny, I say DO IT NOW. Women will save The Democracy again. ***

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* Cannery Row 1945 — “If you’re in trouble or hurt or need–go to poor people. They’re the only ones that’ll help–the only ones.” ― John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath

** quote Chrissy Teigen — definition: middle/upper-class White snowflakes entranced in colorism

*** Revolutionary Mothers: Women in the Struggle for America’s Independence Paperback — Illustrated, February 14, 2006, by Carol Berkin (Author)