Setting a Boundary

I can be quite rude and I do not mind. I have no shame. Thank you God. Why am I so mean? Why are you so nice?

The Universe or God (take your pick) often arranges to flout me (teach me) in odd ways.

I have a Shrink. Doesn't everyone? In the 20 years we have been working together, she has given me a direct order twice. Those directions were: "Don't fuck him." and "Stay away from your family." She trusts me and she never pushes my defiance/anger button.

I come from an alcoholic Catholic family with sexual and mental health issues. I am one of the bipolar members who spent ten years drinking and drugging. I have no idea how normal folks behave. We, Shrink and I, spend a lot of time establishing boundaries and rehearsing boundary setting. We talk things over.

My Mother used to do sexual checking. Once she made me remove my underpants so she could check if I had sex, after she dragged me down the street and into the house by my hair. I was twelve and a virgin. Consequently, I do not respond to the feelings of humiliation or embarrassment well at all. Not at all.

I have been attending AA meetings since 1980. I do not go often anymore since my Sponsor died, but I still drop in occasionally to get a therapeutic dose of humility. Humility is not the same as humiliation. Folks are friendly and often come to say Hello if they do not know you.

So this woman asks me "How much time do you have?" People are proud of their time sober. I reply with an AA bromide "I have today. How are you?" The woman launches into a tale of her 30 years of spotless sobriety, never a slip, etc. etc. Then she starts telling me basic shit you teach to Newbies. And I had been coming to the rooms since 1980. And no one sane would lecture a Newbie like that anyway. We are trying to assist Newbies not scare or shame them.

I do not know why, but she pushed my humiliation button. I want credit for those years, even if I was slipping and getting drunk once in awhile. I was still learning. I still had a desire to get sober which is the ONLY REQUIREMENT for membership in AA. I know something about how to get and stay sober. I just stood there and listened, furious, humiliated and smiling. Smiling. I know, now that I have studied interpersonal violence, that she triggered me. I was overcome by a tsunami of shame.

I looked at her closely while smiling. A few lonely folks come to visit at AA who never had a drinking problem in their lives. They come for the fellowship and the coffee. They talk the talk but have never walked the walk. And this lady? One of them. Lady yammered on and I stood there. I had no creative response. I just left. And I fumed and paced for days. By the time I got to talk to Shrink, I was still upset.

When you first start setting boundaries, there is no way to be elegant about it. If you tried to set a boundary in my family, you got beat up. Or you had to beat somebody else up. So you do the best you can.

For a long time, I ran away. That was an awesome defense I learned from the Surrender Group. Works for most situations but not all. I needed a simple-to-get-out-of-my-mouth, reasonably polite and nonviolent way to say NO! Some thing I could get out even when triggered. Some thing that would not include endless explaining.

And Lady Shrink gave me the simplest and the sweetest boundary setter of all. "Mary," she said "Say NO THANK YOU." And the light dawned. This is an all purpose defense.

Saying NO THANK YOU and smiling (and leaving if necessary) works. The abuser has no comeback. What can they say? They just stand there.

No Thank You is so easy to say: polite, nonviolent and thorough. And I can usually get it out of my mouth even when I am furious, scared, humiliated, etc. And it works well with trolls who just want to argue and take offense at trifles. 

No thank you. I'm a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world. No thank you. You will drive them boundary banditos up a tree. Peace.

Make an Effective Covid-19 Mask at Home

Remember the Good Old Days? They will be back. 

I miss everyone. 

Photograph Courtesy of  u/brianbo402

You can make a contribution to the health and safety of your family and friends. I have some of these materials because I sew. If you sew, and you have a lot of these materials at home, and if you are really gung ho to make a contribution, sew these masks for healthcare workers. Sew one for yourself so you can go shopping safely. You can sew it by hand. The doctor says they are a bit more effective than the standard commercial N95 mask.

My friend, LarryM, posted that hepa filters may be impossible to find because retail markets are closed. Do not despair. You can make an effective mask with ordinary materials. Maybe not effective in the operating room under a viral shower but damn effective just the same. See the videos below:

Eat your Greens for Good Luck in the New Year

This Gumbo works nicely in a crockpot. Serve in soup bowls with Rice and Louisiana style Hot Sauce. Easy to do and tastes fine.

Throw it together and let it simmer for hours. Yes, you can do it on the top of the stove, but why? This is more you-have-to-cook-dinner-365-days-a-year cooking.

Forgive the brevity and lack of direction - sometimes I get these recipes written down on the backs of envelopes. The Greens are the best part of this Gumbo for my taste. Green for Good Luck.  

Gumbo Verde

1 pound smoked or garlic Sausage, sliced in bite size pieces

2 cans of Navy Beans

1 can Beef Consomme with 2 cups Water

1 package frozen chopped Mustard Greens (10 ounces)

1 Onion, chopped

1 Bell Pepper, chopped

2 clove Garlic, chopped (optional)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Saute the Sausage with Onion, Bell Pepper and Garlic. Combine Sausage mixture with the Consomme and Water, Beans, Greens. Add Salt and Pepper to taste. Simmer slowly until the Beans become very soft and the Gumbo is thickened thereby.

Feel free to substitute cannellini or pink beans. You can use turnip greens or collards.

Potluck Panic? Make Xmas Eve Salad.

This is the time of year when Folks throw ( office, church, garage, AA, bowling team, study group, etc.) POTLUCK parties. That can be a problem if you cannot cook, or if you are too lazy to cook much, and some other fortunate Soul snags the Chips & Dip or Beer & Soda contributions.

This Salad can be your saving grace. You do not have to cook but only prepare the fruit with care and combine carefully. Everyone will think you are a whizbang gourmand. And if you are Vegan, you will have something you can eat. Use the videos on you tube on how to cut up fruit or not. There is more than one way to skin a Potluck. Happy Holidays!

Ensalada de Noche Buena

4 small Apples, cored and sliced
4 medium Oranges, peeled and separated in sections
3 cups of canned Pineapple, drained
4 small Bananas, sliced
3 tablespoons Sugar
2 tablespoons Lemon Juice
Romaine Lettuce leaves
2 cups canned Beets, drained
1/4 cup Peanuts

Combine the first six ingredients in a large bowl, cover and refrigerate until they are cold. At the moment of serving cover a salad bowl with the Lettuce leaves, mix carefully the Fruits and the Beets, and place the mixture over the Lettuce. Sprinkle Peanuts on top and serve immediately. Serves 12.

NOTE: Always wash your hands before you prepare food. Be sure to drain the canned ingredients thoroughly.
Some folks, my friends remind me, may be allergic to peanuts. So I would offer them on the side, roasted and salted, as a garnish. 

Organic Rum and Jasmine Liqueur

I am gifting myself with a bottle of organic Jasmine Liqueur this Christmas. And one of dark Rum. Corporate distillers use additives that ordinary folks would not use, if we made our own spirits.

Making liqueurs and wine at home used to be common in American life as this scene from Arsenic and Old Lace attests. An excellent cookbook which has a chapter on home liqueur making is Spoonbread and Strawberry Wine.

Greenbar Organic Distillery makes their own Vodka, Gin, Tequila, Liqueurs and Bitters without additives, using classic distillery techniques and all organic ingredients.

A bottle of anything Greenbar makes would be a welcome hostess gift. I have nothing to gain from any transaction you make with Greenbar beyond the success of the company. Quality counts.

TRU Jasmine Martini

Ingredients:

1 1/4 oz TRU vodka
1 oz FRUITLAB jasmine liqueur
1/4 oz simple syrup

Glass Types: (Martini/Coupe)

Instructions:

Shake + strain into a martini glass
Garnish with an edible flower

A Celebration of Lord Ganesh and Fall

I am so happy to have found a fine blog Simple Indian Recipes. I was looking for Pumpkin recipes that could be entrees or candy perhaps. Fall is the time to eat Squash and Pumpkin.

I share my find with you, cher Reader. I found an entire page of Pumpkin recipes that truly go from Soup to Nuts. You want to go there if you cook for Vegans and Vegetarians at Holiday time. I plan to make a Curry.

I am so happy to share Lord Ganesh made in Pumpkins for your enjoyment. Lord Ganesh is a patron of all the Arts. Festivals are good for the Soul. See the celebration music and dancing below:

I love Quakers. They make me want to be a better person. And they tell me how to do that.

George Fox said this about those who quote scripture or Christ unaccompanied by agape love. I am sorely in need of love given current events. I am angry and scornful. Might as well be in Hell. 

The following passage is from "The testimony of Margaret Fox concerning her late husband," from The Journal of George Fox, 1694. In this excerpt, which contains the famous "what canst thou say?" query, Margaret Fell is describing George Fox's "sermon" at the Ulverston steeple-house. It was the first time she had heard him speak.

And so he went on, and said, "That Christ was the Light of the world, and lighteth every man that cometh into the world; and that by this light they might be gathered to God," &c. I stood up in my pew, and wondered at his doctrine, for I had never heard such before. And then he went on, and opened the scriptures, and said, "The scriptures were the prophets' words, and Christ's and the apostles' words, and what, as they spoke, they enjoyed and possessed, and had it from the Lord": and said, "Then what had any to do with the scriptures, but as they came to the Spirit that gave them forth? You will say, 'Christ saith this, and the apostles say this;' but what canst thou say? Art thou a child of the Light, and hast thou walked in the Light, and what thou speakest, is it inwardly from God?" &c. This opened me so, that it cut me to the heart; and then I saw clearly we were all wrong. So I sat down in my pew again, and cried bitterly: and I cried in my spirit to the Lord, "We are all thieves; we are all thieves; we have taken the scriptures in words, and know nothing of them in ourselves."

Members of the Society of the Friends of Jesus (Hicksite Quakers) believe divine revelation is ongoing. And it must be. This formula for living beats the 10 Commandments bigtime.

Simple Formula for Living

Live beneath your means. Return everything you borrow. Stop blaming other people. Admit it when you make a mistake. Give clothes not worn to charity. Do something nice and try not to get caught. Listen more; talk less. Every day take a 30-minute walk. Strive for excellence, not perfection. Don't make excuses. Don't argue. Get organized. Be kind to people [and all other beings]. Be kind to unkind people. Let someone cut ahead of you in line. Be humble. Realize and accept that life isn't fair. Know when to keep your mouth shut. Go an entire day without criticizing anyone. Learn from the past. Plan for the future. Live in the present. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff.

We are not the dogs of God but his children. Prophetic religion has to do with relationships, not observances, with awe not belief, with love not guilt, with life not property, With the Way not moralism. Obedience to the Way is indeed of great use if it is freely given, but of no use if it is compelled. - Herrymon Maurer

Gourmets for Mc Govern Banana Cake

Library book sales are the bomb. Yes, I am even political about food. Food is very political.

I found a small hand bound cookbook entitled Gourmets for Mc Govern. It is full of charming illustrations. The only colophon reads "This cookbook has been peacefully and lovingly put together by volunteers for Mc Govern." The recipes do have attribution.

This is the perfect Banana Cake recipe because it tells you exactly how much banana to use. I hate when a recipe says "two bananas." Bananas come in all shapes and sizes. You can mess with quantity in ordinary cooking. Baking needs more precision than that. I give you the recipe verbatim.

Ms. Joan Cantor's Banana Cake

Cream together:
1 cup Sugar
1/2 cup Shortening

Add:
2 Eggs
4 tablespoons Sour Cream
1 teaspoon Baking Soda

Beat well.

Add:
1 cup Banana pulp
1 and 1/2 cups Flour
1/4 teaspoon Salt
1 teaspoon Vanilla

Bake at 350 degrees for 1/2 to 3/4 of an hour. Cake will shrink away from the sides of the pan when done.

Happy Easter! Happy Spring! We Shall Be Redeemed.

Two Days into Spring

Spring this year began March 20. First we have Music and Coffee. This was in my Uncle Marco's record collection. I used to play it on an old Victrola on rainy days in the attic.

I wrote this yesterday. I am on sIow. I woke up dreaming of Polish comfort food - Fried Cabbage. They tell me it is Spring but there is a driving cold rain making the house damp and cold. I am wearing a beanie indoors.

I share with you a recipe for Bacon and Cabbage. I make it in a cast iron skillet and I can eat the whole pan all by myself. Vegans/Vegetarians can just leave out the Bacon, saute in another fat, and add more garlic and some peperoncini maybe for a bit of zing. Mild red Bell Pepper might be nice too. 

Spring is on its way! I can tell by the seed catalogs in the mail.

Fried Cabbage and Bacon

6 slices bacon, chopped
1 large onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 large head cabbage, cored and sliced
1 tablespoon salt, or to taste
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon paprika

Put the bacon in a large heavy bottomed pot and cook over medium-high heat until crispy, about 10 minutes. Add the onion and garlic; saute until the onion caramelizes; about 10 minutes. Immediately stir in the cabbage and continue to cook and stir another 10 minutes. Season with salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, and paprika. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer, stirring occasionally, about 30 minutes more.

This is so good with some Fish Fry and a Beer.

NERD and MENTAT NINJA 2020 ! with Music

Elizabeth Warren

Stacey Abrams

2020 !

We need financial and voting integrity and reform bigtime. These women have been in the trenches fighting for a long damn time. They got the guts. Give them the glory. They have the experience. Anybody want to try an amateur businessman again?

Graphic below our heroes by Buddy McCue.

Happy New Year, Cher Reader.

As we discovered on the train (terrain?), tomorrow never happens. It's all the same fucking day, man. - Janis Joplin

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.” ― Neil Gaiman

Honeybees in Trouble

Honey Bee Suite

I have a small garden in my Philadelphia backyard. I grow a few peppers, herbs, tomatoes, flowers. I have been very sad because the Bees seem to have gone away.

We need Bees, so go here for some pet Bees if you like them. Most of the really good stuff we eat needs pollination by bees. No bees means less food.

On Sunday, I saw my very first Bee of the Summer. I was out in the garden, poking around in the Dill without my glasses. I was glad to learn that my eyes still work and I am not crazy. I saw a Bee. The Bees are coming back.


Bees are smart. They know who is growing those flowers. I have been given, while gardening, an affectionate bee nudge more than once. The Bees are making a comeback in Illinois too.

Native bee species spotted for first time since ’90s

COURTESY OF WILL PETERMAN / COPYRIGHT 2013

 By Sandi Doughton 

Bee enthusiasts beat the bushes Sunday to see if the colony of rare insects is still active, and biologists are planning conservation efforts.

More information is available at www.xerces.org/bumblebees. If you would like to be involved in our citizen science project moving forward, you can sign up at www.bumblebeewatch.org.

If you think you have observed the western white tailed bumblebee, please send a photo and site information. Please note that we cannot verify sightings without a photo, so please include one with your email. 

GRATITUDE

Thank you M. Keating for your generous donation. I am overwhelmed with delight and I do not know how to act. Does not happen all that often. Zippety Doo Dah! I will put the $ to good use. 

First Day of Spring 2018

“If winter comes, can spring be far behind?”
Percy Bysshe Shelley, Ode to the West Wind

Today is the official First Day of Spring. The United Nations declared this is official International Happiness Day.

Humbug! We have a 24 hour Winter Storm Warning In Philadelphia today. Happy Spring all the same. I am planning my garden. It must be Spring.

Jeffrey Koterba is the cartoonist. His blog is HERE.

Find Out Which Historical Figure You’re Most Like!

This quiz is fun. I am most like Shakespeare. Naturally, I am thrilled. Who are You?

You were Shakespeare in a past life. Many people perceive you as a bit of a nerd, but underneath the fine polish, you are bawdy, perceptive, and deeply entranced by human life. You have an amazing way with words that can let you cut others down, bring them to tears, or reduce them to peals of laughter.

But what really sets you apart is your creativity. Your mind sees things that others don’t and puts them together in new and amazing ways. As Shakespeare, you redefined the English language. What will you do now?..

SOLACE

If you have come here for solace, boogie now. I got no Happy New Year. 

I have been grieving. I am past bargaining and into depression. Acceptance? Ask me after I have had some coffee.

I had champagne and triple cream brie on New Year's Eve. Pancakes with maple syrup and sausages New Year's Day. I am fucking old, so it takes awhile for my liver and brain and heart to get back to normal after all this fucking excitement. And there is no fucking Sun and I am wearing a blanket while I type.

Those who have been reading Real Philadelphia need to know that Ms. Norma and the kidniks are back to honeypots again. I am going to have to finish that fucking story. Walter brought me his extra cookies and a smile.

I am living large, I guess. For now. And watching the Water Protectors. Their fate - our fate. And the first glorious lines of an otherwise dreadful poem keep ringing in my mind:

The Destruction of Sennacherib
BY LORD BYRON (GEORGE GORDON)

The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,
And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold; 

Soon my Seasonal Affective Disorder will pass. I will be back to my usual trashmouth self. So it goes. Quoting Vonnegut there.

Do I have to be so political all the time even on holidays? Yes. Yes I do.

I am Older than Dirt with Music

Today is my 73rd birthday. 
Happy Birthday to Me. 
And many happy returns of the day.

I ate succulent Peking duck from Sang Kee in Reading Terminal Market. And two desserts. My children sang Happy Birthday. I had some Loud. My friends were kind to me. I ask for no more. Life is good.

Support Penzey's Our Home Town Heroes with Music

Penzey's makes good clean genuine spices and spice mixtures. Before the election mess, I was a customer. I love cooking. And Penzey's is that good.

Now we discover that Mr. Penzey et al are good and they are good. This is the kind of man Bill Penzey is and why he made the news in Nashville.

Last week, Bill Penzey Jr., CEO of Penzeys Spices sent an email to customers, as he does each week, with a message that left many customers quite offended. The email focused on Thanksgiving and the United States as a nation of immigrants, with, of course, a marketing message (he is a businessman after all). The email ended with the following:

"My advice: Get at least one of the $10 Kind Heart Boxes, but a half-dozen might be even better. What happens going forward will be all about hearts and minds. The open embrace of racism by the Republican Party in this election is now unleashing a wave of ugliness unseen in this country for decades. The American people are taking notice. Let's commit to giving the people a better choice. Our kindness really is our strength."

I will go out of my way to the Bourse to buy ALL my spices now. Unthinkable to buy McCormick paprika in a pinch. Yeah that is a pun and I committed it. Make a point of shopping Penzey's where they have more than one kind of paprika. Try the yummy smoked paprika on deviled eggs!

Van Gogh Paintings Recovered

2 Stolen Van Gogh Recovered By Anti-Mafia Police In Italy

September 30, 2016
CAMILA DOMONOSKE 

Anti-mafia police in Naples, Italy, have recovered two paintings by Vincent van Gogh that were stolen from a museum in Amsterdam more than a decade ago.
The Van Gogh Museum announced Friday that a curator inspected the two works, at the request of Italian authorities, and 'drew a firm conclusion: They are the real paintings!' 

The director of the Van Gogh Museum, Axel Rüger, said the museum owed a debt of gratitude to Dutch and Italian authorities. 'The paintings have been found!' he said in a statement. 'That I would be able to ever pronounce these words is something I had no longer dared to hope for.' Read more...

I traveled to the Brooklyn Museum to see the Van Gogh exhibit. I had to stand in a long line of art lovers cheek by jowl.