Confused and Conflicted Am I

My heart hurts, my mind is befuddled, and I see no solution. I love Pope Frankie. I hate the Roman Catholic Church.

I am a Roman Catholic, baptized and confirmed. I wish the RCC would stop working so hard to manipulate me into sanctity.

I left the RCC behind when I was 13 years old. I made occasional check-backs to see if there was any change in their sexual and cultural insanity. In the Mass I went back to, a priest's homily contained the priest's observation that homosexuals 'deserved AIDS for their sin.' Left again and did not go back until this year.

I know this: the Vatican hired a Fux Snooze public relations guy when Benedict was Pope. They needed a whitewash desperately.  The RCC's poisonous pedagogy has closed nine parishes in Philadelphia.

And then Pope Frankie appeared. And I love him. I exhibit clearly that I love him and why I love him HERE. I love him especially when he tells it like it really is to his own. I feel proud to be a Catholic. I have not felt that in a long dry time.

And then critics of the RCC point to reality. Nothing has changed. The Magisterium takes no responsibility for their own doctrine. They begin to blame the laity for going the way they sent them. Some Catholics are intolerant and cruel, but it is all lay Catholics fault because we are not praying hard enough. Or praying correctly. I pray fervently often. Are you saying that I can pray religious insanity and zealotry of others away? I will work on that as soon as I have prayed my own away.

Caro Frankie, are you telling me that my not praying is why some priests stuck their dicks where they did not belong and Krol and Bevilacqua kept the dirts out of jail? My not praying hard enough caused Savita Halapavannir to die a miserable painful death? My not praying hard enough is why the Magisterium is not hearing the laity? Who is the Church. Its priests or its people?

I swore this oath below when I was a child and I meant it. Now the adult-me is trying to comfort the child-me who was earnest and believed what the RCC taught me. I was made to swear to things as a child that the adult me does not believe for a moment, I could repudiate my baptism but my inner child would scream in pain. In a very real way, Catholicism is me, my family, my culture. And I cannot run away from myself.

During the rite of Confirmation, the candidates stand as a group for questioning by the presiding bishop:

Bishop: Do you reject Satan and all his works and all his empty promises?
Candidates: I do.

Bishop: Do you believe in God the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth?
Candidates: I do.

Bishop: Do you believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was born of the Virgin Mary, was crucified, died, and was buried, rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father?
Candidates: I do.

Bishop: Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who came upon the apostles at Pentecost and today is given to you sacramentally in confirmation?
Candidates: I do.

Bishop: Do you believe in the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting?
Candidates: I do.

Bishop: This is our faith. This is the faith of the Church. We are proud to profess it in Christ Jesus our Lord.
All present: Amen.