Dirty Blues Sunday #3 - Bo Carter

Bo Carter, born Armenter Chatmon June 30 1893, is an American Delta Blues musician. He is well known since 1960 for his Dirty Blues songs. In 1928 he recorded Corinna Corinna. 

That's probably where everyone else got their version they recorded. Eric Clapton calls his version "Alberta, Alberta". I've even heard it called, "Sweet Maggie, Sweet Maggie". I guess you can use whatever woman's name you are trying to impress at the time. - Arkansas Red

Bo Carter was a member of the Mississippi Sheiks which Bo also managed. That group included his brother Lonnie Chatmon on fiddle and occasionally Sam Chatmon on bass, along with a friend, Walter Vinson, on guitar and lead vocals.

Dirty Blues. The filth and dirt begins now. Please Warm My Wiener recorded 1934.

For those not familiar with American slang I offer a translation. Biscuits are breasts. Biscuits, Jelly Roll, Fruit Basket - all such sweet talk. 

Released 1931. Rock me, Daddy. Rock me all night long. 

This recording is not particularly dirty. I include it because of the classic guitar riff which sounds so familiar. 

Dirty Blues Sunday #2 - Lucille Bogan

I found that Dirty Blues is a music genre all its own just poking around on the net last Sunday. And then I went looking for the music and songs. And I am finding such treasure.

Lucille Bogan 

April 1, 1897 – August 10, 1948

Mrs. Lucille Bogan is an American blues singer, among the first to be recorded. She also recorded under the pseudonym Bessie Jackson. She was born Lucille Anderson in Amory, Mississippi.

The music critic Ernest Borneman said Bogan was one of "the big three of the blues", along with Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith. Reference: Russell, Tony (1997). The Blues: From Robert Johnson to Robert Cray. Dubai: Carlton Books. p. 94. List of songs written by Lucille Bogan. 

Released under the pseudonym Bessie Jackson. B.D. stands for bulldagger or bulldyke, colloquial terms of the era that meant lesbian. The term bulldyke has unfortunately survived to the present day among the sexually frightened.

Piggly Wiggly, the Southern grocery chain's imaginative name, becomes a pseudonym for brothel in sly Dirty Blues. Double entendre is the name of the game. We will be learning more together every Sunday. 

Banner Records - Song Recorded 3-5-1935 In Chicago, Illinois. Written by Lucille Bogan.

Last but not least, a song about marijuana. Great Grandpa and Grandma were not the old fogies you might think they were. Reefer Blues, Vintage Songs about Marijuana Volume 2. 

Pornography - UPDATE

Hugh Hefner is dead. Some folks are casting shade on his memory by calling him a pornographer. Hugh is the wonderbread Modernist version of a pornographer. Now Big Al Goldsten, he was the pornographer's pornographer. I was there.

Portrait of Goldstein on the cover below.

Screw and Al Goldstein are long gone now but I still remember the fights and furor brought on by Screw's content. I came across an interesting blog that features the cover art of Goldstein's Screw Magazine. You want to go there.

Note: Nothing about this essay is safe for viewing at work. I guess my blog is not safe for work too. So sue me.

SCREW #358, art by Bob Dunker

Pornography is ancient and the controversy over its value or lack of value in human lives continues. I reproduce this cover. It illustrates the editorial tone of the magazine better than any words I could write.

I am ambivalent about pornography. I like to look at dirty pictures. Some of what appeared in Screw made me sick. I appreciated the social satire and Goldstein's crusades for free speech.

I love Cartoon Art. I am a fan of vintage pornography. You can see a gallery of SCREW covers by Milton Knight.

Feminists have been in a long dialogue about the depiction of human sexuality.

"Pornography is about dominance and often pain. Erotica is about mutuality and always pleasure."
Gloria Steinem "Erotica vs Pornography", in Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions (1983)

"Pornography is the essential sexuality of male power: of hate, of ownership, of hierarchy; of sadism, of dominance."
Andrea Dworkin, Pornography, Men Possessing Women

“Prostitution, perversion, and pornography are intertwined with independence and radical politics in the history of outstanding women. Radclyffe Hall, Colette, Anaïs Nin, Kate Millett, Erica Jong--all of these women used the money they made from writing about sexuality to make it possible for them to live as rebels, dykes, feminists, artists, or whatever deviant and defiant identities they assumed.” Pat Califia, Some Women

I miss Al Goldstein. Rest in peace. It is true Goldstein was a Dirt. It is true that much of what he published was disgusting. A great deal of it was funny. Very funny. Nothing Goldstein published was as obscene and pornographic as this video below.

Jokes from God

I write Comedy and Plays among other things like this Blog. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.

Example: this conversation about

"Did Bill Clinton bump uglies with Liz Gurley while Hillary was in the room next door?"

on a right wing blog. Authoritarians worry about these things. This conversation is verbatim.

PLUM:
Our Bill, he's a slut and I love him.

XYZ:
he's also probably had to deal with his share of STD's and I would be surprised if his 'tool' has shriveled up and fell off by now. What a disgusting pig of a man. God help us though because Oblamer is worse than him. Barry is a man slut. (sic)

PLUM:
You have a rich full fantasy life.

XYZ:
And you have your cranium up your distal alimentary canal.

PLUM:
Google "scat" and you will get what you so obviously want and need.

ABC:
I don't buy this crap. Bubba is a sex fiend but I don't think every woman in the world is susceptible to his serpent-tongued "sweet talking". I'm sure there are quite a few women who would vomit at the prospect.

XYZ:
One can only hope this is true but I think it is becoming more of a rarity. Even my ex-wife was "sweet talked" by some low life from the internet she met playing scrabble. Doesn't say much for her and the woman she has become. I'm with a woman now who I can confidently say would fall into that category of those "who would vomit at the prospect." She's a real lady, all woman and a total class act, so to speak.

PLUM:
I would do Bill Clinton in a New York minute. Let me at him. Sexiest man in the world. One of the smartest men in the world too. I envy Hillary bigtime.

XYZ:
You like perverts? He also has a few rapes under his belt. Wear a condom, don't want those nasty STD's!

PLUM:
Depends on the pervert. I do not like you.

I am writing a play (trying to write a play) about the politics and sociology of abortion/contraception in the USA. "What is funny about that?" you might ask. Good question. I was asking myself the same question. And coming up with nada.

People do not come to your plays if you bore them silly. All I have to do is plug this conversation among characters into the script with a bit of editing. Cracks me up. Scrabble? This is the wages of hanging out on message boards. Laughing my ass off.

Australian Sex Party

The Australian Sex Party fights for common sense policies around gender and sexual equality, secular government, drug law reform, taxing religious institutions and voluntary assisted dying. 

Do Australians do it better? 

Toilet Laws #6 - Bomb Bomb Bomb - Bomb Bomb the Can

EVANSTON – "A small bomb exploded in the women's bathroom at a Target store in Evanston on Wednesday. 

Officials are investigating whether it’s connected to the company’s policy allowing transgender people to use the bathroom of their choice.

Commander Joe Dugan says no one was inside the bathroom when the small explosion happened a little after 4 o'clock. It caused minor damage and no one was injured.

Early indications are that a plastic bottle was used but no projectiles like nails or tacks were inside it. Investigators are gathering evidence including examining store security camera video."          

BY PATRICK ELWOOD 

Exploding a parking lot dumpster is the kind of prank Teens pull to celebrate auspicious occasions. Halloween? Finding a small bag of shrooms? Graduation?

I ask myself, Self:

• You think these are delinquent Teens at work? 
• You think these are Christian fundamentalist Teens doing God's work? 
• You think these are grown men who are "protecting their women and girls?"
• You think this is a political operative sent by Bryan Fischer?

I mention Bryan Fisher because he seems to find trans women and trans men alluring and dangerous.

I offer an illustration from his BLOG. 

I am female. I find this guy hot. If this guy exhibited brains as well as daring and fashion sense, I would be on him like pink on a rose. My sexual orientation HERE. 

And just to focus on the irony of it all - I give you the original joke. Ha ha ha, not. And the Music that inspired it all below. Covers of same may be in the comments. 

Fuck YOU Adsense.

Update: The fuckers at google paid me. But now they will not let me use adsense on my food blog. Cute. Push me around and then kick me again
--------------------------------------------
Google:
Close my adsense account. You will not censor my blog.

You will not force me to list my account as a porn site.

Publisher ID: pub-1222599309808625

Please remit money accrued. You have my bank information. You provide no other way for me to communicate with you. I looked and looked.

I think this is beautiful. You think it is porn.

I have Russian readers. What happened? Putin get upset? You want to see what real pornography is? Go here.

Sign of the Month - March 2016

I am not apologizing to anybody for this folk sign. Even though I am a Democrat. It is funny. Funny is more important than earnest ranting and raving partisanship in politics. It is a lot more fun and stuff may get done. Congress is at its lowest approval rating ever and will not or cannot govern.

When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides, what excuse are you going to offer for preaching it, teaching it, extending it, perpetuating it? Shall you say, the best good of the country demands allegiance to party? Shall you also say it demands that a man kick his truth and his conscience into the gutter, and become a mouthing lunatic, besides?     - Mark Twain

"Consistency", paper read at the Hartford Monday Evening Club on 5 December 1887. The Complete Essays of Mark Twain.

Rock'n'fucking'roll's Greatest Rhythm Guitarist - Bede's Beat

John William Cummings, better known as "Johnny Ramone," was born on October 8, 1948. The original members of The Ramones each took the surname Ramone to display their solidarity, unity and equality. The name was suggested by Dee Dee, who had heard that it was the surname that Paul McCartney used when he checked into hotels.

In a Guitar Player interview, collected in The Guitar Player Book, Johnny stated: "I guess that before me, people played downstrokes for brief periods in a song, rather than the whole song through. It was just a timing mechanism for me."

On the topic of The Ramones' songbook, Johnny often said that every Ramones song has everything a "regular" pop song has, only it's played really fast without any solos, so they simply end up being short.

On September 15, 2004, Johnny died of prostate cancer. He is buried at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Joey Ramone, who developed lymphoma, predeceased Johnny in 2001, Dee Dee Ramone died of a heroin OD in 2002. DeeDee's gravestone isn't far from Johnny's. The last of the original Ramones, Tommy, died, also of cancer, in 2014.

The best way to appreciate Jonny's artistry is to listen to the Ramones live. The "solos" that appear on Ramones records were actually overdubbed by either Ed Stasium, Walter Lure or Tommy Ramone. This is the oldest known footage of The Ramones performing at CBGBs on September 15, 1974:

Here is what was once extremely rare footage of The Ramones practicing a set, filmed at "the Fifth Ramone", Autoro Vega's NYC studio on February 3rd, 1975.

The most famous of The Ramones' live recordings is "It's Alive!" -- a full concert recorded on New Year's Eve 1977 at the Rainbow Theatre in London. The Ramones recorded four full concerts during their 1977 tour of the UK. The band's priority was to provide their fans with an accurate portrayal of their concerts, at which they played every song they'd recorded very very fast. To achieve this, they wanted to use a single, complete concert. Sire Records wanted to hedge its bets and cull the best performances from each concert and edit them together to form a "complete show". After 10 rows of seats were thrown at the stage after The Ramones left the stage for the last time at their New Year's Eve performance, and the London and UK musical press proclaimed it one of the best performances ever held at The Rainbow, Sire decided to use the entire New Year's Eve concert for a double-LP release. A little less than half-an-hour's worth of the New Years' Eve performance which was released on LP was also filmed;

October 8 is also the birthday of Tucker, who has done so very very much to keep we wanderers in the wilderness intact and in contact -- you may have noticed a few of us squatting all over Plum Street. Happy Birthday, Tucker!

We Won't Have John Boehner to Kick Around Anymore

John Boehner has resigned. This post has musical accompaniment below.

Man is a stone drunk. How can you tell? John the Roofer said "Drunks don't cry; they vomit through their eyeballs." It is always crying time for the Boner. I know from personal experience that drunks do not see well. That is why John cannot tell when he looks in the mirror that he is bright orange.

I say it is time to regularly and randomly drug test Congress. Start with Steve 'Cantaloupe Calves' King. I will add a link to a White House petition to drug test Congress maybe. I don't know why I persist. I never get more than a hundred signatures.

Do these assholes in Congress think we cannot tell an addict or a whackjob when we see one?

Here is what Sydney Blumenthal thinks below. I am glad somebody in the Red White & Blue Bubble is thinking.

Who did not know Boehner was a drunk? The USA is like a big dysfunctional alcoholic family. Nobody talks about the drunken Elephant in the room.

"Boehner is despised by the younger, more conservative members of the House Republican Conference. They are repelled by his personal behavior. He is louche, alcoholic, lazy, and without any commitment to any principle. Boehner has already tried to buy the members with campaign contributions and committee assignments, which he has already promised to potentially difficult members. His hold is insecure. He is not Gingrich, the natural leader of a "revolution," riding the crest into power. He is careworn and threadbare, banal and hollow, holding nobody's enduring loyalty. Boehner is beholden and somewhat scared of his base. He twitches when they make gestures that might undermine his position. His impulse is to hand out money. His aim is to recreate DeLay, Inc, with Jerry Lewis, who will be the new chairman of Appropriations. But Boehner is neither feared nor loved. He's a would-be DeLay without the whip. He's the one at the end of the lash. Which means he will be under great pressure and find it hard to sustain a moderate, reasonable strategy of restraint."

Okay, Scotty. Show us on the doll where the big nasty Koch brothers touched you.

BuckeyeB says "The thumb marks the spot."

You think this Walker guy is juiced? Look at his eyes. Look at his puffy face. He looks higher than the birds to me. And trust me, I know about get high. Cocaine maybe? He looks anesthetized.

Guy looks higher than Steve Cantaloupe Calves King. And that is saying something.

Sydney suggests that if we listen quietly, we can hear the marbles rolling around in Walker's head. I have seriously funny friends.

I take this occasion to present a petition to the White House. Past time to regularly and randomly drug test Congress - House and Senate. And a few Governors as well. What is sauce for the Working Man must be sauce for The Suits.

Please GO HERE to sign the petition.

Arrange to randomly and regularly drug test Congress - both House and Senate.

We can see drug and alcohol impairment of several members of Congress - both House and Senate. This petition is an intervention.

Published Date: Apr 09, 2015

Issues: Government Reform

OMG GOP WTF? - Klingon Shit Happens - UPDATE

UPDATE: Rev. Klingenschmidt rides again!

I knew before he was elected that KlingonShit was going to be popcorn worthy. I love it when subsequent events prove my wisdom. KlingonShit has been removed from a committee by the Republican party. You voted for him Colorado. I iz laffing.

Last week, a pregnant woman in Colorado was attacked by a stranger who stabbed her in the stomach and cut her baby out of her womb, and Republican state legislator Gordon Klingenschmitt is attributing the attack to God's curse upon America for the sin of legal abortion. - Right Wing Watch

It's Colorado rocky mountain high.
I've seen it raining fire in the sky.
Friends around the campfire
And everybodys high.
Rocky mountain high ...
- John Denver

The Republican Party candidate for State Representative from El Paso County Colorado is Rev. Gordon James Klingenschmitt.  Rev. Klingenschmitt is an Evangelical Christian who has a daily religious program carried to a number of outlets by Direct TV.

Are Colorado Republicans insane? This is the guy who preaches that the FCC is allowing demonic spirits to "molest and visually rape your children." And preaches that Obamacare causes cancer. And homosexuality is a sin and a "foul cancer." 

I do not think insanity or Republicans are the reason this guy won his primary. "What is the reason?" I ask myself and I answer thus:

I think stoners are doing a takedown for shitz and giggles. Confess. How many stoners registered Republican just so you could vote for this guy? How many trekkies think I should apologize for the Klingon joke?

My evidence for a charge of stoner and trekkie hijinks? "Gordon does not speak on behalf of the Republican Party. To suggest otherwise is inaccurate and dishonest," said Ryan Call, chairman of the Colorado Republican Party. The Navy did not want this guy either so they canned him.

Stoners and Trekkies look sharp. Caveat emptor! This twatwaffle is serious as a heart attack. And like the Tundra Twat, he sounds sane enough at first look to get elected. All this sanctimony is giving me serious agita.

Marijuana - The Devil's Flower

I thank The Execrable Bede and Mr. Sunshine for this moment of Moral Edification and Attitude Adjustment.

Cher Readers - Announcement

Google has backed down from their new Net Censor mode. Yes!

TALK ME DOWN. I AM FREAKING OUT.

I have been told by google that if I have graphic nudity on my blog, my blog will be marked PRIVATE whether I like it or not.

That means you cannot read or post here unless I put your screen name on a list of regular readers. Evidently you would have an extra step to access the blog. You will get an 'adult content warning.'

If the nudity is for educational purposes, it is kool evidently. Is Mapplethorpe educational or cultural?

EVIDENTLY TOADYS AND PEARL CLUTCHERS CAN REPORT ME. I would like to keep my PUBLIC status. I might have to take down the cock pictures.

I am not sure what to do to preserve my blog as it is. If there are more sophisticated NET consumers than me, and that is not hard, please give me any ideas about how to deal with this. Do I need my own domain to preserve content and ease of access?

Adult content policy on Blogger

Starting March 23, 2015, you won't be able to publicly share images and video that are sexually explicit or show graphic nudity on Blogger.

Note: We’ll still allow nudity if the content offers a substantial public benefit, for example in artistic, educational, documentary, or scientific contexts.

Changes you’ll see to your existing blogs

If your existing blog doesn’t have any sexually explicit or graphic nude images or video on it, you won’t notice any changes.

If your existing blog does have sexually explicit or graphic nude images or video, your blog will be made private after March 23, 2015. No content will be deleted, but private content can only be seen by the owner or admins of the blog and the people who the owner has shared the blog with.

Settings you can update for existing blogs

If your blog was created before March 23, 2015, and contains content that violates our new policy, you have a few options for changing your blog before the new policy starts:

• Remove sexually explicit or graphic nude images or video from your blog
• Mark your blog as private

If you’d rather take your blog down altogether, you can export your blog as a .xml file or archive your blog's text and images using Google Takeout.

Effect on new blogs

For any blogs created after March 23, 2015, we may remove the blog or take other action if it includes content that is sexually explicit or shows graphic nudity as explained in our content policy.

Vaginal Probe Keychain - Magic Google Finger

My friend rg9rts coined the phrase 'vaginal probe keychain.' I never heard of such. I asked what it was. Rg9rts allowed as how it was made up. So creative. We were discussing the War on Women.

I thought it was a euphonious phrase, so I googled it. I did that once before with interesting results. This is the result of my google, The best attributions I can find are below or on the images.:

http://atheistuniverse.net/photo/vaginal-probe

During the height of last year’s outcry over the GOP’s “War on Women,” transvaginal probes became one of the most recognizable symbols of the Republican Party’s overreaching anti-abortion policies. Particularly when Virginia pushed forward with a controversial measure to require all women seeking abortions to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound, women’s health advocates decried the practice as “state-sponsored rape.” Read more at Think Progress.

I do not mean to diss those who enjoy electro sex. It is a shame that the dirty filthy GOP taints all that is good and creative. You can get the bumper sticker below for $1.00 American.

Happy Fourth of July! Let Freedom Ring.

Rest in Peace and Love Jimi Hendrix

Get Your Stoning Right Here! - UPDATE

Shreveport Louisiana asked to stone some gays by transexual woman.

What is really ironic is the guy who proposed the bill in question appears to wear glasses because he has a defect in his eyes. And I wonder if he has prostate issues? According to the Levites, Ron Webb has no right to preach or even approach the Altar of God. Does he have both his testicles. Maybe he will let us check?

Leviticus 21 states:

17 “Speak unto Aaron, saying, ‘Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations who hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.
18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
19 or a man who is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,
20 or crookbacked, or a dwarf, or who hath a blemish in his eye, or hath scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken.

I wonder if Ron Webb has ever read the book he is thumping. Man is an embarrassment to Christians. Blasphemy is a sin, if you are into the sin type of coercion. Personally, I like Pope Frankie's approach. The thing to keep in mind when dealing with religious authoritarians is - they have very high standards - for YOU.

If you read my blog, it is no secret I despise religious authoritarians. I hope this action becomes a standard way of dealing with religious zealots. In your face!

Call these folks out on their bullshit. Make them live up to all of the "rules," not just the ones that suit their personal prejudices. They cannot live up to their own rhetoric.  Biblical morality will get you arrested.

PHOTOS: LGBT Activists Demand Stoning at Antigay Harlem Church

Well, they'll stone you when you walk all alone
They'll stone you when you are walking home
They'll stone you and then say you are brave
They'll stone you when you are set down in your grave
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned. 

- Bob Dylan, Poet

Another uppity queer woman. Is this a new trend? I approve.

 

When I Get Low, I Get High

Click Me!

 “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?” ― Bill Hicks

Please notice, Ladies and Gents, that Randy Pall is now being described as "libertarian-leaning." That is because no Libertarian with integrity would propose such legislation.

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) has thrown his support behind legislation that Republicans could use to force President Barack Obama to crack down on legal marijuana in states like Colorado and Washington.

Speaking to Fox News on Thursday, the libertarian-leaning senator said he supported the Enforce the Law Act, which has been approved by the House. The legislation would allow Congress to sue the president for failing to faithfully execute laws. - Eric W. Dolan 

“The amount of money and of legal energy being given to prosecute hundreds of thousands of Americans who are caught with a few ounces of marijuana in their jeans simply makes no sense - the kindest way to put it. A sterner way to put it is that it is an outrage, an imposition on basic civil liberties and on the reasonable expenditure of social energy.” 
― William F. Buckley Jr.

“And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.” 
― Anonymous, Holy Bible: King James Version

Culture Cakes

Judson Phillips of Tea Party Nation is raising a hue and cry for freedom.

Phillips is dismayed that Governor Jan Brewer vetoed SB1062 in Arizona. You know, The Gay Bill. He fears the end of it all will be slavery and the Penis Cake. And the Orgy.

The crusade is diverse. The Phillips crusade is not just about Christians. He wants to protect Muslim caterers from pork. I would make a pork joke here but it is too easy.

"Should a devout baker be required to create a cake for a homosexual wedding that has a giant phallic symbol on it or should a baker be required to create pastries for a homosexual wedding in the shape of genitalia? Or should a photographer be required to photograph a homosexual wedding where the participants decide they want to be nude or engage in sexual behavior?" 

I thought this Phillips person was full of feverish fantasy and a little over the top. I thought I would check it out. I googled Penis Cake. ZOMG! I need to get out more.

You can get a Penis Cake for most any occasion. Penis Wedding Cake anyone? 








Penis Cupcakes? 
Or Penis Bread?

I can see how this situation might create anxiety. Gives a whole new meaning to "Let them eat cake." Or "the staff of life."

If Judson Phillips becomes entirely too anxious, he can always soothe himself by learning how to bake a Booby Cake. Boobs are soothing. Nom nom. 

Or Judson Phillips could just stop thinking about that icky homosexual sex. Or take a damn Xanax and keep his fevered dreams to himself. When did minding your own business go out of fashion as an American value? When did humiliating customers because Jebus come in?

Penis Pumps? Say what?

Pantalone

I am shocked, I tell you. Shocked. Why aren't the Roman Catholic Bishops foaming over penis pumps like they are foaming over birth control?

98% of Catholic women use contraception. Now we get an inkling of the reason they must use it. Self defense.

Women should not want contraception with no copay sayeth the Bishops. This is said in a world of government penis pumps and no copay viagra for Senior Men. Because chastity. Say what?

I wonder: Did the Bishops fight the ACA so hard because they are PRO or ANTI government funded penis pumps? Did penis pumps even cross their mind? No matter. You go, GrandPa. Gummint has your back. Shaking my head. So it goes.

Penis pumps cost U.S. government millions, watchdog cries waste

WASHINGTON, Jan 13 (Reuters) - Penis pumps cost the U.S. government’s Medicare program $172 million between 2006 and 2011, about twice as much as the consumer would have paid at the retail level, according to a government watchdog’s report released on Monday.

The report by the inspector general for the Department of Health and Human Services said Medicare, the government health insurance system for seniors, paid nearly 474,000 claims for vacuum erection systems, or VES, totaling about $172.4 million from 2006 to 2011. Yearly claims for the devices nearly doubled from $20.6 million in 2006 to $38.6 million in 2011.

The Explainer-in-Chief is here to explain what is really UP. 

Are you listening, Congress?
Our Bill. He's a slut and I love him.