Jokes from God

I write Comedy and Plays among other things like this Blog. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.

Example: this conversation about

"Did Bill Clinton bump uglies with Liz Gurley while Hillary was in the room next door?"

on a right wing blog. Authoritarians worry about these things. This conversation is verbatim.

PLUM:
Our Bill, he's a slut and I love him.

XYZ:
he's also probably had to deal with his share of STD's and I would be surprised if his 'tool' has shriveled up and fell off by now. What a disgusting pig of a man. God help us though because Oblamer is worse than him. Barry is a man slut. (sic)

PLUM:
You have a rich full fantasy life.

XYZ:
And you have your cranium up your distal alimentary canal.

PLUM:
Google "scat" and you will get what you so obviously want and need.

ABC:
I don't buy this crap. Bubba is a sex fiend but I don't think every woman in the world is susceptible to his serpent-tongued "sweet talking". I'm sure there are quite a few women who would vomit at the prospect.

XYZ:
One can only hope this is true but I think it is becoming more of a rarity. Even my ex-wife was "sweet talked" by some low life from the internet she met playing scrabble. Doesn't say much for her and the woman she has become. I'm with a woman now who I can confidently say would fall into that category of those "who would vomit at the prospect." She's a real lady, all woman and a total class act, so to speak.

PLUM:
I would do Bill Clinton in a New York minute. Let me at him. Sexiest man in the world. One of the smartest men in the world too. I envy Hillary bigtime.

XYZ:
You like perverts? He also has a few rapes under his belt. Wear a condom, don't want those nasty STD's!

PLUM:
Depends on the pervert. I do not like you.

I am writing a play (trying to write a play) about the politics and sociology of abortion/contraception in the USA. "What is funny about that?" you might ask. Good question. I was asking myself the same question. And coming up with nada.

People do not come to your plays if you bore them silly. All I have to do is plug this conversation among characters into the script with a bit of editing. Cracks me up. Scrabble? This is the wages of hanging out on message boards. Laughing my ass off.

It is a Kurt Vonnegut world. So it goes. - UPDATE - Monument go Boom!

Oh, a sleeping drunkard
Up in Central Park,
And a lion-hunter
In the jungle dark,
And a Chinese dentist, 
And a British queen--
All fit together 
In the same machine. 
Nice, nice, very nice;
Nice, nice, very nice;
Nice, nice, very nice--
So many different people
In the same device.
― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle

The Satanic Temple plans to erect a monument to Satan in Oklahoma. It may include an interactive display for children. This is the statue. Satanic Temple has proposed to erect it on the Capitol Building lawn near the Ten Commandments Monument recently erected at the State Capitol.

The ACLU is suing to take down the Ten Commandments Monument. And the Satanists say they do not have a problem with the Ten Commandments Monument as long as Satan gets equal time. The Atheists are suing the State because the Constitution...well you know.

Lord Hanuman moves the Mountain

Rajan Zed, president of the Universal Society of Hinduism, said in a statement that if the Oklahoma State Capitol was open to different monuments, "We would love to have a statue of Lord Hanuman, who was greatly revered and worshiped and known for incredible strength and was a perfect grammarian."

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has also expressed interest in erecting their own monument and have been denied. Get out the popcorn. This is going to be a hoot.

Touched by His Noodly Appendage

UPDATE: LMAO 
Ten Commandments Monument reduced to rubble. 

Quote: Reed allegedly told agents with the Secret Service that Satan made him crash his car into the statue. He also told agents that the devil told him to urinate on the monument. 

http://kfor.com/2014/10/24/ten-commandments-monument-at-oklahoma-capitol-reduced-to-rubble/

Quote: “The Satanic Temple was appalled to learn of the act of destructive vandalism laid upon the 10 Commandments monument in Oklahoma today. As many are aware, we are seeking to have a Satanic monument erected alongside the 10 Commandments — and only alongside the 10 Commandments. We do not want our monument to stand alone. If our monument stands at the state Capitol, we want it to compliment and contrast the 10 Commandments, with both standing unmolested as a testament to American religious freedom and tolerance. We hope that by respecting religious liberty in allowing our monument to be displayed, Oklahoma will help ameliorate any animosity between differing perspectives, not cultivate them.”

“To be clear, The Satanic Temple will not seek to erect its monument unless the 10 Commandments is restored.” Oklahoma City has the option to wait until the ACLU’s case regarding the legal status of the 10 Commandments is resolved before it permits its replacement. However, if the 10 Commandments is immediately reconstructed, our monument will be ready for unveiling quite soon.”

Life is Good or Drunk Ramblings

I got a bottle of Stella Artois and some decent doob. I got the Monday night quiets. And that is good. It is cooling down a bit outside.

Huma and Hillary prove the law. When a husband acts like a manwhore and follows his dick, it always his wife's sin/fault/responsibility. I get married and his dick becomes mine. I do not ever want to be a dicksitter.

Walter brought me a copy of the Polish paper and the St. John Cantius festival is happening again. Maybe I can find some old Polish Eagle to jump on. And I need real Polish food like a drunkard needs his booze.

I will give more information about the festival, but at the moment I am trashed. And happy about it. And dancing my ass on out here in internetland.

Super Mary Says No No! Musical Accompaniment Provided Below.

Flip Benham's float or march presentation entered into a Pride Day Parade celebration can be seen in the video below.

Tasteless and poorly rehearsed. No feathers. No body paint. At least Westboro has banners.

Flip Benham is the guy way in the back wearing jeans, white shirt, red tie, suspenders and large bay window. Muscle and Bullhorns. So phallic.

I cannot understand why some sweet slightly crippled old lady like me has not walked up to this fat ugly Benham dude all smiling, crucifix flying and kicked him square in his junk. 

One could roll up in one's wheelchair on one of the Twins, pretending to have found a rainbow dildo that has got you all twitterpated, and use your cane. Badda bing.

I admit that on manic days I advocate violence. I am a diagnosed nut. I do not hit people or disrespect them in real life. Only in my blog fantasy. What is Flip Benham and his Sons excuse? Why fret? They dissing folks for Jesus. We all know that is not good. Ain't Christian. But it is mighty Right.